A few weeks ago, hurrying down the basement stairs, I
somehow missed the last step and stumbled. The outside of my sock-clad foot hit the last
stair, and as I lurched forward, my toes jammed into the basement floor. By the
grace of God, I somehow managed not to break any bones, but I did bruise my left
foot badly. Despite putting ice on my foot the rest of the day, it remained
swollen and painful. That evening, I literally crawled across the floors and up
the stairs to bed, too sore to walk and too proud to accept Ed’s help.
Over the next several days, my foot turned a rainbow of colors––blue, purple, green, and yellow––but it improved every day, thanks to rest, Icy Hot cream, Epsom salts soaks (no wonder Alex loves baths in Epsom salts!), and Arnica gel, a newly discovered natural wonder for bruises. While I couldn’t walk as fast on my injured foot, I managed to keep up with my usual routines of taking care of Alex’s needs. Thankful that I wasn’t hurt worse, I realized how much I took for granted the act of walking. Moreover, this incident reminded me that I must always be in good shape so that I can tend to Alex.
Last week, a close friend of mine who is also caring for a family member was explaining all the things she has to do for him daily to a group of friends. She remarked that when people’s hands don’t work properly, they need to rely upon others to do many things for them every day. As she listed the various tasks she must do as part of her routine caregiving, I nodded my head empathetically. Because of Alex’s poor fine motor skills and medication-induced hand tremors, he relies upon us for help with many activities most people take for granted, as I did with walking until my recent fall.
One of our friends sympathetically listened and then began asking me what kinds of things I needed to do for Alex. To give her one area of examples, I explained that he needs help with basic grooming tasks: cutting his nails, combing his hair, brushing his teeth, and shaving. Showing genuine interest, she asked me if I used an electric razor on him and seemed surprised when I told her that I use a regular razor to shave his face. As I explained to her, I have been doing this for several years and am fortunate that Alex is cooperative when I’m grooming him, so he does fine with a regular razor and shaving cream. In fact, I think Alex’s favorite part of the routine is when we sing the novelty song, “Shaving Cream” as I deftly move the razor across his face and neck.
Yesterday, I was reminding Alex of the importance of thanking people when they do something to help him. When he asked me for examples, I told him that his dad and I do about a hundred things every day to help him. He asked, “Or ninety-six exactly?” I assured him that I could probably come up with at least ninety-six and maybe more than one hundred. While all parents, especially those with young children, do dozens of tasks to help their children, I doubt that most people realize how many things parents of special needs children continue to do for their sons and daughters well into their adult years.
One task requiring our assistance is helping him apply lip balm multiple times a day. Alex lacks the dexterity to remove the lid from the lip balm and to apply the moisturizer to his own lips. This winter, he has become quite a connoisseur of lip balm, owning a collection of various brands and flavors. He has berry, lemon, orange, coconut, spearmint, and peppermint flavored lip balms that he asks to apply numerous times throughout every day. However, his current personal favorite seems to be vanilla, which is also my favorite. One day, he informed me after getting close enough to catch a whiff of vanilla lip balm on my lips, “You smell like [marshmallow] Peeps!” I wasn’t sure whether this was a compliment or not until I caught him eyeing my tube of lip balm. When I explained that we don’t share lip balm with other people and asked him if he knew why, assuming he understood the germ factor, he nodded and replied, “Yes, it’s in the Ten Commandments.” Well, it’s not in the Ten Commandments, but maybe it should be. Needless to say, I bought him his own vanilla lip balm so that he, too, can smell like Peeps, especially since we reapply it at least a half dozen times per day.
In addition to grooming, Ed and I help Alex with cleaning his eyeglasses; choosing his clothing every day; getting dressed because he cannot properly manipulate buttons, zippers, or shoelaces; doing his laundry; filling out forms because his handwriting is illegible; managing his finances; buying whatever he needs; setting up appointments; refilling and administering his medications; and chauffeuring him because he cannot drive. Last week, I had two people who needed to speak to Alex on the phone, and I had to explain that I am his voice because his language skills are impaired. I was half-tempted to put him on the phone to prove my point but instead explained that I have medical power of attorney and can advocate for him. One remained unconvinced of my authority and will be receiving a letter and a copy of the legal paperwork in the mail next week. Add personal secretary to my list of tasks.
Another area in which Alex needs help because of his limited dexterity is preparing food. For safety reasons––to prevent burns and severed fingers––we fix all of his meals for him and cut his food into bite-sized pieces. Apparently, he realizes the value of our assistance in this area because if he thinks he has annoyed me, he always asks if I will make him a fruit smoothie that evening. Apparently, smoothie maker is one of my more important daily jobs in Alex’s estimation.
As we strive to make Alex’s life the best it can possibly be by helping him complete the daily tasks he cannot do on his own, we pray that one day he will overcome the present obstacles and be able to do things independently. In the meantime, I have remembered to walk more carefully and to take good care of myself, knowing Alex relies upon me to be surefooted enough to help him with tasks most people take for granted. I look forward to the day when I hear him singing “Shaving Cream” while shaving his own face, followed by applying his own Peeps-scented lip balm, and making his own fruit smoothies. Maybe he could even make a fruit smoothie for me while he’s at it. Now, that will be an accomplishment worth celebrating!
“Our lives are in His hands, and He keeps our feet from stumbling.” Psalm 66:9
Over the next several days, my foot turned a rainbow of colors––blue, purple, green, and yellow––but it improved every day, thanks to rest, Icy Hot cream, Epsom salts soaks (no wonder Alex loves baths in Epsom salts!), and Arnica gel, a newly discovered natural wonder for bruises. While I couldn’t walk as fast on my injured foot, I managed to keep up with my usual routines of taking care of Alex’s needs. Thankful that I wasn’t hurt worse, I realized how much I took for granted the act of walking. Moreover, this incident reminded me that I must always be in good shape so that I can tend to Alex.
Last week, a close friend of mine who is also caring for a family member was explaining all the things she has to do for him daily to a group of friends. She remarked that when people’s hands don’t work properly, they need to rely upon others to do many things for them every day. As she listed the various tasks she must do as part of her routine caregiving, I nodded my head empathetically. Because of Alex’s poor fine motor skills and medication-induced hand tremors, he relies upon us for help with many activities most people take for granted, as I did with walking until my recent fall.
One of our friends sympathetically listened and then began asking me what kinds of things I needed to do for Alex. To give her one area of examples, I explained that he needs help with basic grooming tasks: cutting his nails, combing his hair, brushing his teeth, and shaving. Showing genuine interest, she asked me if I used an electric razor on him and seemed surprised when I told her that I use a regular razor to shave his face. As I explained to her, I have been doing this for several years and am fortunate that Alex is cooperative when I’m grooming him, so he does fine with a regular razor and shaving cream. In fact, I think Alex’s favorite part of the routine is when we sing the novelty song, “Shaving Cream” as I deftly move the razor across his face and neck.
Yesterday, I was reminding Alex of the importance of thanking people when they do something to help him. When he asked me for examples, I told him that his dad and I do about a hundred things every day to help him. He asked, “Or ninety-six exactly?” I assured him that I could probably come up with at least ninety-six and maybe more than one hundred. While all parents, especially those with young children, do dozens of tasks to help their children, I doubt that most people realize how many things parents of special needs children continue to do for their sons and daughters well into their adult years.
One task requiring our assistance is helping him apply lip balm multiple times a day. Alex lacks the dexterity to remove the lid from the lip balm and to apply the moisturizer to his own lips. This winter, he has become quite a connoisseur of lip balm, owning a collection of various brands and flavors. He has berry, lemon, orange, coconut, spearmint, and peppermint flavored lip balms that he asks to apply numerous times throughout every day. However, his current personal favorite seems to be vanilla, which is also my favorite. One day, he informed me after getting close enough to catch a whiff of vanilla lip balm on my lips, “You smell like [marshmallow] Peeps!” I wasn’t sure whether this was a compliment or not until I caught him eyeing my tube of lip balm. When I explained that we don’t share lip balm with other people and asked him if he knew why, assuming he understood the germ factor, he nodded and replied, “Yes, it’s in the Ten Commandments.” Well, it’s not in the Ten Commandments, but maybe it should be. Needless to say, I bought him his own vanilla lip balm so that he, too, can smell like Peeps, especially since we reapply it at least a half dozen times per day.
In addition to grooming, Ed and I help Alex with cleaning his eyeglasses; choosing his clothing every day; getting dressed because he cannot properly manipulate buttons, zippers, or shoelaces; doing his laundry; filling out forms because his handwriting is illegible; managing his finances; buying whatever he needs; setting up appointments; refilling and administering his medications; and chauffeuring him because he cannot drive. Last week, I had two people who needed to speak to Alex on the phone, and I had to explain that I am his voice because his language skills are impaired. I was half-tempted to put him on the phone to prove my point but instead explained that I have medical power of attorney and can advocate for him. One remained unconvinced of my authority and will be receiving a letter and a copy of the legal paperwork in the mail next week. Add personal secretary to my list of tasks.
Another area in which Alex needs help because of his limited dexterity is preparing food. For safety reasons––to prevent burns and severed fingers––we fix all of his meals for him and cut his food into bite-sized pieces. Apparently, he realizes the value of our assistance in this area because if he thinks he has annoyed me, he always asks if I will make him a fruit smoothie that evening. Apparently, smoothie maker is one of my more important daily jobs in Alex’s estimation.
As we strive to make Alex’s life the best it can possibly be by helping him complete the daily tasks he cannot do on his own, we pray that one day he will overcome the present obstacles and be able to do things independently. In the meantime, I have remembered to walk more carefully and to take good care of myself, knowing Alex relies upon me to be surefooted enough to help him with tasks most people take for granted. I look forward to the day when I hear him singing “Shaving Cream” while shaving his own face, followed by applying his own Peeps-scented lip balm, and making his own fruit smoothies. Maybe he could even make a fruit smoothie for me while he’s at it. Now, that will be an accomplishment worth celebrating!
“Our lives are in His hands, and He keeps our feet from stumbling.” Psalm 66:9
1 comment:
I’m so glad you’re okay, Pam! I think Alex is on to something with the Ten Commandments and lip balm: no sharing!!
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