Book Review: Common Man, Extraordinary Call

After a child is diagnosed with special needs, many parents seek advice from others in similar circumstances who can share the wisdom of their experiences. In Common Man, Extraordinary Call, released last week and available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble, special needs dad Jeff Davidson offers an honest and clearly written guide for fathers of special needs children. As the father of an adult son, Jon Alex, who was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, intellectual disability, and nonverbal autism, he and his wife, Becky, generously share what they have learned. [Special thanks to Becky Davidson and Kregel Publications for providing me an advance complimentary digital copy of this book.]

Although he never served in the military, the author explains that he greatly respects those who have served our country. Consequently, he uses military terminology throughout this guide for fathers who have unwittingly been drafted into the troops of special needs dads. In each chapter, he offers practical ways to deal with issues through a section titled “Mission Critical,” in which he provides checklists detailing what needs to be done.

As he provides leadership to the dads on the front lines, Jeff Davidson explains the tactics in a casual, conversational tone that is reassuring. Sharing candidly what he has learned along the way, he reveals a keen sense of audience, engaging the reader through direct address: “You” and “Dad.” Moreover, each chapter ends with "A Story from the Front Line,” in which special needs dads share their own stories, or an “Encouragement from the Homefront,” a letter from Jeff’s wife, Becky, offering support to special needs dads. In addition, the book also provides a helpful study guide at the end, reviewing important points in the book, as well as thought-provoking discussion questions for further reflection.

One of the issues the author tackles in the first chapter is the problem of denial. In fact, he admits that he refused to say that his son had autism until three years after his son’s diagnosis. However, he notes: “When I finally accepted the truth, our world shifted, and life became easier.” Having struggled with denial himself, he strongly urges special needs fathers to ask God for help in accepting their circumstances.

In addition to asking God for help, the author also advises asking others for assistance when needed. Enumerating all the various roles fathers must play in providing for their families’ physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial needs, he understands that special needs dads may feel overwhelmed. While fathers may be reluctant to impose on others for help, he explains, “If we forgo their help, we are robbing them of the opportunity to be a blessing.”

Moreover, the author encourages special needs parents not to isolate themselves from others. While raising a child with special needs fills life with challenges, he urges, “We have to be willing to let people into our lives. They need to know what your reality is like.” Although allowing others to see what life with a special needs child is really like may be uncomfortable, he assures the benefits are worth the efforts. Ultimately, others can gain understanding as well as love and respect for people with special needs by interacting with families who are raising special needs children.

Perhaps one of the most powerful chapters of the book, Chapter 8, “Emotional Land Mines,” candidly describes the difficulties special needs parents must consciously avoid. Specifically, he warns against envying other people’s lives and advises special needs parents to stop comparing their lives to those of others. Additionally, he describes the dangers of fear, self-pity that can lead to despair, futile attempts to assign blame for the child’s disability, and the sense of being cheated. Instead, he suggests, “…the power over every circumstance depends upon my choice of perspective.” Similarly, he addresses the bitterness and grief associated with missed milestones, beautifully noting the importance of a positive perspective: “Joy can be found in the simple successes, and contentment in the seemingly insignificant moments.” Furthermore, in dealing with the death of dreams that parents of special needs children face, he admonishes abandoning our expectations because “God has plans and dreams for our children, too.”

Yet another key point Jeff Davidson raises is the importance of teaching our special needs children how to overcome fear. He stresses that parents must reassure their children that they can confidently trust God as a source of wisdom, protection, and provision. As an additional reassurance to parents, he reminds us, “God will always be there for your children, even if you can’t be.”

Sadly, Jeff Davidson passed away unexpectedly and went to be with the Lord in May 2017. In the preface of Common Man, Extraordinary Call, his wife, Becky, explains Jeff’s desire to help special needs families, especially fathers of children with special needs. Moreover, she notes that writing and publishing this book fulfills his dream “to speak directly to the men he knew were so in need of hope.” Indeed, Jeff Davidson’s words of faith and love will continue to inspire others while sharing the hope he had found in the Lord.

“The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together.’” Matthew 25:23

Small Setbacks

A few weeks ago, when we took Alex for his annual physical, his doctor proclaimed him to be in excellent health. Although we suspected this to be true, for Alex had not needed to go to the doctor since his last annual exam a year ago, we were delighted to get such a good report. Nonetheless, the doctor did have one issue for Alex (and us) to work on: eating more calories per day and trying to gain about fifteen pounds. While many of us would be ecstatic to have our doctors give us that advice, we knew this could be challenging for Alex, whose metabolism and level of activity keep him naturally thin. Along with the food aversion issues he’s struggled with for more than a year and a half that caused him to lose weight, gaining weight for Alex is as difficult as losing weight is for most people.

Nonetheless, we took the doctor’s suggestion to heart, trying to find ways to get Alex to eat more and consume more calories. Fortunately, Alex made a real breakthrough around Christmas, suddenly eating a greater variety and quantity of foods, returning to his past habits of eating healthy, instead of limiting himself to cold and smooth foods. He even began asking for old favorites, such as meatloaf and shrimp, and happily devoured them. Thanking God for this Christmas miracle, we thought Alex had made a big breakthrough in overcoming the food aversion that not only made him not want to eat certain foods but also triggered panic attacks at the kitchen table.

Because his doctor understands Alex’s issues well, he recommended adding nutritional supplements, namely Ensure or Carnation Breakfast Essentials, to Alex’s daily diet. Although both of these products contain milk, to which Alex has a dietary sensitivity, I was willing to take a chance that their benefits outweighed the potential concerns about giving him milk products in these supplements. After I added Carnation Breakfast Essentials powder in Classic French Vanilla flavor to Alex’s nondairy shakes made of Rice Dream ice “cream” and coconut milk beverage and strawberries, he seemed to like the taste and was willing to drink three of these shakes every day. I thought we had found a great way to get some calories into him easily.

However, after a few days of these shakes, Alex began complaining of headaches. While I suspected the milk in the nutritional supplements might have been the culprit, I thought a few more days wouldn’t hurt. I was wrong. The more days Alex had the powdered milk supplements, the more irritable he became. Then he started complaining of stomachaches. Although I was fairly certain the source of his pain and grouchiness was milk in the doctor-recommended nutritional supplement, I knew we had to test this theory by eliminating it from his strawberry shakes. Once I removed the milk product from his shakes, Alex stopped complaining of headaches and stomachaches, and he stopped being cranky, which was probably a result of not feeling well. Consequently, we had to abandon the doctor’s simple plan for adding calories and find other ways to help Alex gain weight.

About the same time, and probably not coincidentally, Alex’s wonderful progress in eating a variety of foods was followed by a regression. Unfortunately, he wanted to return to the cold and smooth diet, favoring applesauce, dairy-free yogurt, and non-dairy pudding. Between the bad reaction to the nutritional supplements and the return of food aversion, I was terribly frustrated by these setbacks, even though they were relatively small. Knowing that Alex has an appointment in a few weeks with his doctor to monitor his weight, I am feeling pressure to make sure he puts on some pounds to show that I’m putting forth effort.

Feeling a bit defeated and disappointed, I knew what I had to do. Reminding myself of Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” I resumed my usual determination and began researching other ways. Knowing that Alex likes pudding, I found a great and simple-to-make recipe for peanut butter pudding that can easily be adapted with coconut milk. Full of calories and protein, it offers Alex what he needs. In addition, the recipe came from one of his favorite chefs, the late “Mr. Food,” whom Alex loves to imitate by repeating his motto in a deep voice: “Ooh, it’s so good!” I knew that Alex would be willing to try this new food, especially, if we both said Mr. Food’s motto before he ate it. Fortunately, the peanut butter pudding turned out delicious, and Alex loves it because it is, indeed, “Ooh, so good!”

In addition, I found a different nutritional supplement to try that uses plant proteins instead of milk proteins. While I’m not sure whether Alex will like the taste, we’ll give it a try next week. In the meantime, I keep praying that he’ll resume his healthy and varied diet, as we witnessed the week after Christmas. However, I also know that I need to remain upbeat and calm about Alex’s eating habits so that he doesn’t pick up on my anxiety and add it to his own. If nothing else, I am tenacious about making sure Alex is healthy and happy, and I won’t allow these small setbacks to deter that ultimate goal. Most importantly, I know that God has a plan for Alex, and as the Great Healer, He will make certain that Alex gets everything he needs.

“But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7

Benefits of Coconut Milk

Like many people with autism, Alex has shown sensitivity to regular milk in food allergy testing, and he drinks plant-based milks instead. Over the years, he has tried a variety of brands and types of substitute milks, but his favorite is coconut milk because of its appealing taste and texture. For the past few years, he has been drinking So Delicious brand vanilla coconut milk beverage, and he also really likes their vanilla dairy-free yogurt and Coco Whip whipped topping. After being on a dairy-free diet for nearly twenty years, Alex doesn’t mind forgoing milk because he has tasty milk substitutes to enjoy daily.

After recently reading an article about the benefits of coconut water, I was curious if coconut milk shared those same healthy attributes. According to research, coconut milk offers great health benefits. In “Coconut Milk Health Benefits and Uses,” published online at the Healthline.com website on December 11, 2018, registered dietician Franziska Spritzler outlines what makes coconut milk a healthy choice. [To read this article, please click here.]

First, she explains that medium-chain fatty acids found in coconut milk prove beneficial. Research indicates that these fatty acids are less likely to be stored in the body as fat, may help curb the appetite, can increase metabolism, and might help the body lose belly fat. However, she cautions that the lower levels of medium-chain fatty acids found in coconut milk may not dramatically increase weight loss.

In addition, she cites studies that demonstrated the lauric acid found in coconut milk can lower bad LDL cholesterol and triglycerides and can raise good HDL cholesterol. Along with potential for improving cardiac health, lauric acid can improve overall health by fighting viral and bacterial infections. For this reason, every day Alex takes the supplement Monolaurin, which contains a form of lauric acid. Some research suggests that Monolaurin also acts as a natural antifungal, eradicating yeast infections.

Moreover, she references research indicating the ability of coconut milk to reduce inflammation in the body and to decrease the size of stomach ulcers as effectively as prescription medication. Although she touts the potential value of coconut milk, Ms. Spritzler indicates that not all studies are conclusive regarding its benefits. Furthermore, she cautions that regular coconut milk is quite high in calories and fat: one cup contains 552 calories and 57 grams of fat. In contrast, the So Delicious coconut milk beverage, which also contains filtered water, has 80 calories and 4.5 grams of fat in one cup. Since the calories and fat levels differ between pure coconut milk and coconut milk beverage, one wonders if the effectiveness of the health benefits may differ, as well.

In another online article, “Coconut Milk Nutrition: Beneficial Vegan Milk or High-Fat Trap,” published on the Dr. Axe.com website on December 26, 2018, Jillian Levy describes even more potential health benefits of drinking coconut milk. [To read this article, please click here.] In addition to citing the same research noted in the previous article regarding potential cholesterol-lowering improvements, Ms. Levy touts the benefits of the minerals found in coconut milk. These minerals, especially magnesium, also help cardiovascular health by lowering blood pressure. In addition, she notes that these minerals provide electrolytes the body needs for optimum health.

Along with minerals, the medium chain fatty acids, or MCTs, found in coconut milk offer various health benefits, she explains. Specifically, they help the brain function properly. Furthermore, as noted in the previous article, these fatty acids can help in losing fat because they help the body use energy. Referencing research from the School of Dietetics and Human Nutrition at McGill University, the author quotes from the published study: “MCTs may be considered as agents that aid in the prevention of obesity or potentially stimulate weight loss.” She goes on to explain that MCTs provide people with a sense of being full which makes them less likely to overeat, perhaps making dieting easier.

As in the previous article, Ms. Levy cites the same research indicating the potential for coconut milk to reduce the size of ulcers and describes its protective effect upon the mucus lining of the stomach. Moreover, she notes that coconut milk can help the digestive system, hydrating and nourishing the digestive tract without causing irritation that regular milk may inflict.

Noting the benefits of coconut milk upon inflammation also described in the previous article, Ms. Levy explains that the MCTs found in coconut milk can help joint inflammation and arthritis. Specifically, she states that the medium-chain fatty acids help lower inflammation associated with pain in the muscles and joints as well as inflammation associated with autoimmune disorders.

In addition, this article describes two potential benefits of coconut milk noted in blood tests. To illustrate, she explains that coconut milk can help prevent anemia because plant-based milks provide the iron needed to treat iron-deficiency anemia. Moreover, coconut milk can prove helpful in treating diabetes by managing blood sugar effectively. The fat content in coconut milk apparently helps slow the rate sugar is released into the bloodstream, regulating insulin levels. After clearly explaining all the potential health benefits of coconut milk, the author recommends drinking full-fat coconut milk for optimum results but advises drinking this type in moderation because of the higher caloric content.

Although some may wonder if people with autism on the gluten-free and dairy-free diet can fulfill their nutritional needs on this restricted diet, research suggests that coconut milk offers several potential health benefits. After reading more about coconut milk and how it can improve cardiovascular and digestive health as well as alleviate inflammation, I am delighted that Alex consumes coconut milk products on a daily basis. I have always thought that he is quite intuitive about knowing what his body needs to be healthy, and now I’m confident that his choice of coconut milk is one that will continue to heal his body so that he can enjoy life to the fullest.

“You gave the people of Israel this land that You had promised their ancestors long before­––a land flowing with milk and honey.” Jeremiah 32:22

New Tips for a New Year

When I find things that are helpful, I like to share this information with others, hoping that they, like me, can benefit. Whether these tips are good recipes, clever ways to do tasks, or useful gadgets, I’m always on the lookout for ways to make life easier and better. As the new year begins, I would like to share three good tips I’ve recently discovered that may be of use to others, as well.

First, I’ve adapted a recipe for a dessert that has become Alex’s favorite. Because he is on a gluten-free and dairy-free diet, typically I have to make desserts from scratch for him. Also, his current preference for foods that are cool and smooth means that I must consider the texture of the dessert carefully. When he requested some type of pumpkin dessert for Thanksgiving, I started looking online for recipes that might satisfy his restrictive dietary and sensory concerns. After some searching and making a few changes, I hit upon a light and fluffy dessert on the Taste of Home website Alex absolutely loves, rewarding my efforts.

To make pumpkin pudding whip, add ¾ cup of non-dairy milk (I use So Delicious vanilla coconut milk.) to a 3.4 oz. package of Jello instant vanilla pudding and use an electric mixer to combine for one minute on medium speed. Next, add one half of a 15 oz. can of pure pumpkin and ½ teaspoon McCormick pumpkin pie spice and mix together. Then add one half of a 9 oz. container of frozen nondairy whipped topping that has thawed in the refrigerator (I use So Delicious dairy-free Coco Whip coconut whipped topping.) and combine with the other ingredients and refrigerate. This recipe can easily be doubled, too. If dairy is not a dietary issue, use 1½ cups regular milk and 1½ cups of Cool Whip topping instead. (Nondairy milk is more watery, so less is required to make the proper texture.) I appreciate how quick and easy this dessert is to make, and the taste and texture are perfect for Alex, who has eaten pumpkin pudding whip every evening for dessert since Thanksgiving.

Another tip I’d like to share is how to address cards to families who have adult children with autism living at home with them. (For that matter, this would be true if the adult children living at home did not have autism.) When we received Christmas cards this year, I was a bit surprised and a little hurt when some cards were addressed only to Ed and me, even though I feel certain that the senders knew Alex still lives at home with us. If someone were not sure whether an adult child were still living in the family home, cards could be simply addressed to the last name (e.g. "The Byrnes") or to the family (e.g. "The Byrne Family"). This would be appropriate even if adult children were no longer living at home.

Two relatives came up with quite clever ways to include Alex in a special way. My cousin sent Alex his own Christmas card separately, which made him feel especially grown-up. In addition, knowing that he is interested in weather, she added a note about the current temperature in her town. We liked the special touch she gave in acknowledging Alex and remembering his fondness for numbers and meteorology. Our nephew’s wife was also very clever in addressing our family Christmas card to “Alex Byrne and Family.” By making him the center of the family, which he is, he felt quite special to have the card specifically addressed to him. Again, we appreciated such thoughtfulness in remembering him at Christmastime.

Finally, I recently found a useful gadget that could prove very helpful in an emergency situation. Since Alex and I enjoy watching television shows about fire stations and hospitals, I began thinking about what might happen if we were ever in an automobile accident. I remembered seeing a label that could be attached to the seat belt as a way of identifying the passenger as having autism. This way, first responders would know why the passenger may be behaving in an untypical way. A Google search took me to the spot where I had seen these seat belt labels, the National Autism Association's Little Shop of Hope. [To access this online store, please click here.]

Known as a Help Belt-Safety Alert Seat Belt Cover, this bright red fabric label wraps around any seatbelt and snaps in the back. On the front is written the following information: “PERSON WITH AUTISM/May Not Respond to Verbal Commands/Open for Info.” Inside the label is a plastic pouch containing a pre-printed form that can be filled out to detail information regarding the person’s name, address, phone number, emergency contact information, and medical information, such as medications. This would be extremely helpful in an emergency situation to have this information readily available.

In addition, these useful safety devices are quite reasonably priced at $8.00 each plus $1.50 for shipping and handling. For less than twenty dollars, I ordered one for each of our cars and was pleased that they arrived in less than a week. After filling out the information sheets and placing them in the secure plastic pouches, I attached one to the front passenger seat of my car and the other to the back seat of Ed’s car, where Alex rides. If Alex were going someplace with my parents or his caregiver, we could easily detach the label from one of our cars and temporarily transfer it to another car. While I hope no one ever needs to use this safety alert device, I feel better knowing that this information is handy in the event of an emergency.

Although desserts and addressing cards and seat belt labels may seem trivial on the surface, discovering potential ways to make Alex’s life better always makes my life better, too. Perhaps passing along the things we’ve learned through our journey with autism may improve other families' lives, as well. The teacher in me certainly hopes so.

“Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. May Your gracious spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” Psalm 143:10