Last week when I went to vote in the primary elections, a
friendly woman who regularly works the polls greeted me by name. The mother of
one of my high school classmates, she has known me since I was a teenager. One
of the first questions she asked me was whether I was still teaching at the
middle school, and I told her that I had retired from teaching. Her next
question, which other people have also asked me after finding out I retired
early, was, “What are you doing now?” I suppose many people my age would use
early retirement as an opportunity to find a second career, engage in volunteer
work, and/or travel the world. However, I answered her honestly, explaining
that I am taking care of my adult son with autism. Essentially, I retired from
teaching part-time to becoming a full-time personal assistant to Alex and Ed.
Frankly, I have no idea how I ever had time to teach and am thankful I could
retire early.
In one of my favorite episodes of the television show Little House on the Prairie, Laura expresses disappointment to Ma that getting married means she won’t be able to become a teacher. Her mother, who had also been a teacher, reassures her that as a mother, she will play a variety of roles, including being a cook, a nurse, and most of all, a teacher, to her children. Certainly, of the many jobs I perform in my role as Alex’s mom, teaching has been one of the most fulfilling. Since we opted to home school him throughout his school years, we have been responsible not only for teaching him practical life skills but also academics, as well. Based upon his keen knowledge in a broad range of subjects and his love of learning, apparently Ed and I did a fairly respectable job as Alex’s teachers.
In addition to teaching Alex, I continue to carry out a variety of responsibilities as his mother. Even though he’s legally an adult, in many ways he is childlike because of the obstacles autism presents. His difficulties with language require that we often must speak for him, and his fine motor delays, coupled with hand tremors caused by anti-anxiety medications, hinder his ability to do many things independently. Nonetheless, I’m fortunate to have more time to do things for him and grateful that he’s generally quite cooperative in working with me to accomplish what we need to do on a daily basis. However, before I became his mother, I never realized all the things that mothers, especially special needs mothers, do for their children. Here is a list of some of my many roles as Alex’s mom:
1. Finder of Lost Objects––Alex misplaces something nearly every day, usually his iPad or pens for making lists. However, he’s quite predictable in where he leaves them, which makes my job fairly simple. In fact, I can usually lift a couch cushion and find a treasure trove of Bic pens that have fallen between the cushions where Alex was sitting. The most amusing task he gives me at least twice daily is, “Need to find Daddy.” Fortunately, Ed is quite predictable, too, and can generally be found in the family room downstairs.
2. Scheduler––In this role, I am responsible for making sure that appointments with doctors, the dentist, and therapists are made regularly, and I keep track of the Chicago Cubs baseball schedule as well as the NASCAR schedule for Alex. I must always know whom the Cubs are playing, where the NASCAR race is that week, what time the game/race is on television, and what channel will be broadcasting the game/race. Over the years, I have discovered that Alex is like a good lawyer: he never asks a question he cannot answer himself. If I make a mistake in the information I give him, he will call me on it. Hence, I double check my information to ensure my credibility as his sports information source. In addition, I am also responsible for making sure that calendars and clocks are accurate, which is very important to Alex (probably so that he won’t miss a minute of a baseball game or NASCAR race). If the house timekeepers are not precise, Alex will let me know that we need to change them immediately.
3. Health Management––This is a job Ed and I share, as we take turns being Alex’s pharmacist in administering his medications and acting as his personal dental hygienist. However, we do our tasks differently. For example, Ed counts Alex’s pills as he gives them, whereas I recite their names. Also, Ed makes brushing teeth into a fun game show activity, whereas I count off the number of seconds he’s brushed as his electric toothbrush beeps every thirty seconds. Despite our different methods, both of us are grateful that Alex is not only cooperative about these important tasks, but he also faithfully reminds us when it’s time to take his pills or brush his teeth.
4. Personal Groomer––Another one of my roles is to make sure that Alex is clean and neat so that he makes a nice appearance. As his barber, I cut his hair and shave his face, and as his hairdresser, I shampoo, blow dry, and comb his hair. Fortunately, he likes being groomed, so he sits eerily still, almost mesmerized, as I do his hair. In addition, I give him manicures and pedicures, put lip balm on him several times a day at his request, make sure he uses deodorant every day, as well as finding and cleaning his eyeglasses throughout the day. Moreover, I’m also his laundress and valet who makes certain his clothes are clean and assists him with selecting and putting on those clean clothes daily.
5. Personal Shopper––Since Alex can’t drive (a fact he reminds us whenever he’s upset about his lack of independence as an adult), he relies upon Ed and me to chauffeur him wherever he needs to go. However, he prefers to leave shopping to me, so I’m responsible for making sure that he never runs out of orange juice, note pads, and Epsom salt, among other things. While milk, eggs, and bread are snowstorm staples for most homes, orange juice, note pads, and Epsom salts are must haves at our house.
6. Speech Therapist––Language doesn’t come easily for Alex, so we constantly encourage him to talk to us. Often, he uses pat (or perhaps pet) phrases that we enthusiastically reinforce. For example, we heartily agree when he reminds us several times a day that he “had a young voice in 1994” or that “It gets hot in Phoenix.” Also, I have to assure him repeatedly that I’m not the lady wearing the blue dress in the Claritin commercial, even though we look somewhat similar. Honestly, I’d like to be as young and slender as she is, and I like that he thinks she looks like me. Besides trying to develop conversations skills, we also work on his manners, constantly reminding him to use the magic words of “please, thank you, and you’re welcome.” Lately, if Alex really wants something, he will make sure we’re eager to serve him by telling us all three, “Please, thank you, and you’re welcome,” before even making the request. Clearly, he’s learning the power of being polite.
7. Food Services––Even though Alex’s appetite is not what it used to be, making sure that he eats a healthy diet daily within the parameters of his gluten-free and dairy-free restrictions is crucial. Consequently, I act as his cook and waitress throughout the day. Since he wants to know the menu, I also announce the daily specials as a maître d would, even though he wants to eat the same things every day. Because his hand tremors make eating some foods nearly impossible, I must also literally spoon feed him to make sure he eats enough. In addition, he likes to be part of the food preparation process, so I give him jobs to do as my sous chef and have him set the table and help clean up afterwards, which he enjoys doing.
8. Developer of Faith––Of all my jobs as Alex’s mom, helping him develop his faith is my most fulfilling and important. Seeing Alex’s faith and trust in God grow over the years has been gratifying because I know that faith will help him deal with all he will need to cope with in life. At the end of every day, the reward for completing my various tasks as Alex’s personal assistant is the opportunity to say bedtime prayers with him. As we thank God together for all of His goodness and ask Him to bless those we love, I’m awed by the peacefulness and sweetness of the moment and grateful for Alex’s childlike faith that gives him a sense of security before he falls asleep. As a mother, I’m immensely thankful I have been able to share with Alex the same faith my mother instilled in me so that he, too, can face the future with hope, confident that God loves him even more than I do. On Mother’s Day and every day, I can think of no greater gift.
In one of my favorite episodes of the television show Little House on the Prairie, Laura expresses disappointment to Ma that getting married means she won’t be able to become a teacher. Her mother, who had also been a teacher, reassures her that as a mother, she will play a variety of roles, including being a cook, a nurse, and most of all, a teacher, to her children. Certainly, of the many jobs I perform in my role as Alex’s mom, teaching has been one of the most fulfilling. Since we opted to home school him throughout his school years, we have been responsible not only for teaching him practical life skills but also academics, as well. Based upon his keen knowledge in a broad range of subjects and his love of learning, apparently Ed and I did a fairly respectable job as Alex’s teachers.
In addition to teaching Alex, I continue to carry out a variety of responsibilities as his mother. Even though he’s legally an adult, in many ways he is childlike because of the obstacles autism presents. His difficulties with language require that we often must speak for him, and his fine motor delays, coupled with hand tremors caused by anti-anxiety medications, hinder his ability to do many things independently. Nonetheless, I’m fortunate to have more time to do things for him and grateful that he’s generally quite cooperative in working with me to accomplish what we need to do on a daily basis. However, before I became his mother, I never realized all the things that mothers, especially special needs mothers, do for their children. Here is a list of some of my many roles as Alex’s mom:
1. Finder of Lost Objects––Alex misplaces something nearly every day, usually his iPad or pens for making lists. However, he’s quite predictable in where he leaves them, which makes my job fairly simple. In fact, I can usually lift a couch cushion and find a treasure trove of Bic pens that have fallen between the cushions where Alex was sitting. The most amusing task he gives me at least twice daily is, “Need to find Daddy.” Fortunately, Ed is quite predictable, too, and can generally be found in the family room downstairs.
2. Scheduler––In this role, I am responsible for making sure that appointments with doctors, the dentist, and therapists are made regularly, and I keep track of the Chicago Cubs baseball schedule as well as the NASCAR schedule for Alex. I must always know whom the Cubs are playing, where the NASCAR race is that week, what time the game/race is on television, and what channel will be broadcasting the game/race. Over the years, I have discovered that Alex is like a good lawyer: he never asks a question he cannot answer himself. If I make a mistake in the information I give him, he will call me on it. Hence, I double check my information to ensure my credibility as his sports information source. In addition, I am also responsible for making sure that calendars and clocks are accurate, which is very important to Alex (probably so that he won’t miss a minute of a baseball game or NASCAR race). If the house timekeepers are not precise, Alex will let me know that we need to change them immediately.
3. Health Management––This is a job Ed and I share, as we take turns being Alex’s pharmacist in administering his medications and acting as his personal dental hygienist. However, we do our tasks differently. For example, Ed counts Alex’s pills as he gives them, whereas I recite their names. Also, Ed makes brushing teeth into a fun game show activity, whereas I count off the number of seconds he’s brushed as his electric toothbrush beeps every thirty seconds. Despite our different methods, both of us are grateful that Alex is not only cooperative about these important tasks, but he also faithfully reminds us when it’s time to take his pills or brush his teeth.
4. Personal Groomer––Another one of my roles is to make sure that Alex is clean and neat so that he makes a nice appearance. As his barber, I cut his hair and shave his face, and as his hairdresser, I shampoo, blow dry, and comb his hair. Fortunately, he likes being groomed, so he sits eerily still, almost mesmerized, as I do his hair. In addition, I give him manicures and pedicures, put lip balm on him several times a day at his request, make sure he uses deodorant every day, as well as finding and cleaning his eyeglasses throughout the day. Moreover, I’m also his laundress and valet who makes certain his clothes are clean and assists him with selecting and putting on those clean clothes daily.
5. Personal Shopper––Since Alex can’t drive (a fact he reminds us whenever he’s upset about his lack of independence as an adult), he relies upon Ed and me to chauffeur him wherever he needs to go. However, he prefers to leave shopping to me, so I’m responsible for making sure that he never runs out of orange juice, note pads, and Epsom salt, among other things. While milk, eggs, and bread are snowstorm staples for most homes, orange juice, note pads, and Epsom salts are must haves at our house.
6. Speech Therapist––Language doesn’t come easily for Alex, so we constantly encourage him to talk to us. Often, he uses pat (or perhaps pet) phrases that we enthusiastically reinforce. For example, we heartily agree when he reminds us several times a day that he “had a young voice in 1994” or that “It gets hot in Phoenix.” Also, I have to assure him repeatedly that I’m not the lady wearing the blue dress in the Claritin commercial, even though we look somewhat similar. Honestly, I’d like to be as young and slender as she is, and I like that he thinks she looks like me. Besides trying to develop conversations skills, we also work on his manners, constantly reminding him to use the magic words of “please, thank you, and you’re welcome.” Lately, if Alex really wants something, he will make sure we’re eager to serve him by telling us all three, “Please, thank you, and you’re welcome,” before even making the request. Clearly, he’s learning the power of being polite.
7. Food Services––Even though Alex’s appetite is not what it used to be, making sure that he eats a healthy diet daily within the parameters of his gluten-free and dairy-free restrictions is crucial. Consequently, I act as his cook and waitress throughout the day. Since he wants to know the menu, I also announce the daily specials as a maître d would, even though he wants to eat the same things every day. Because his hand tremors make eating some foods nearly impossible, I must also literally spoon feed him to make sure he eats enough. In addition, he likes to be part of the food preparation process, so I give him jobs to do as my sous chef and have him set the table and help clean up afterwards, which he enjoys doing.
8. Developer of Faith––Of all my jobs as Alex’s mom, helping him develop his faith is my most fulfilling and important. Seeing Alex’s faith and trust in God grow over the years has been gratifying because I know that faith will help him deal with all he will need to cope with in life. At the end of every day, the reward for completing my various tasks as Alex’s personal assistant is the opportunity to say bedtime prayers with him. As we thank God together for all of His goodness and ask Him to bless those we love, I’m awed by the peacefulness and sweetness of the moment and grateful for Alex’s childlike faith that gives him a sense of security before he falls asleep. As a mother, I’m immensely thankful I have been able to share with Alex the same faith my mother instilled in me so that he, too, can face the future with hope, confident that God loves him even more than I do. On Mother’s Day and every day, I can think of no greater gift.
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within
you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ
Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6
No comments:
Post a Comment