After a child is diagnosed with special needs, many parents
seek advice from others in similar circumstances who can share the wisdom of
their experiences. In Common Man, Extraordinary Call, released last week and
available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble, special needs dad Jeff Davidson
offers an honest and clearly written guide for fathers of special needs
children. As the father of an adult son, Jon Alex, who was diagnosed with
cerebral palsy, intellectual disability, and nonverbal autism, he and his wife,
Becky, generously share what they have learned. [Special thanks to Becky
Davidson and Kregel Publications for providing me an advance complimentary digital
copy of this book.]
Although he never served in the military, the author
explains that he greatly respects those who have served our country.
Consequently, he uses military terminology throughout this guide for fathers
who have unwittingly been drafted into the troops of special needs dads. In
each chapter, he offers practical ways to deal with issues through a section
titled “Mission Critical,” in which he provides checklists detailing what needs
to be done.
As he provides leadership to the dads on the front lines,
Jeff Davidson explains the tactics in a casual, conversational tone that is reassuring.
Sharing candidly what he has learned along the way, he reveals a keen sense of audience,
engaging the reader through direct address: “You” and “Dad.” Moreover, each
chapter ends with "A Story from the Front Line,” in which special needs dads share
their own stories, or an “Encouragement from the Homefront,” a letter from
Jeff’s wife, Becky, offering support to special needs dads. In addition, the
book also provides a helpful study guide at the end, reviewing important points
in the book, as well as thought-provoking discussion questions for further
reflection.
One of the issues the author tackles in the first chapter is
the problem of denial. In fact, he admits that he refused to say that his son
had autism until three years after his son’s diagnosis. However, he notes:
“When I finally accepted the truth, our world shifted, and life became easier.”
Having struggled with denial himself, he strongly urges special needs fathers
to ask God for help in accepting their circumstances.
In addition to asking God for help, the author also advises
asking others for assistance when needed. Enumerating all the various roles
fathers must play in providing for their families’ physical, emotional,
spiritual, and financial needs, he understands that special needs dads may feel
overwhelmed. While fathers may be reluctant to impose on others for help, he
explains, “If we forgo their help, we are robbing them of the opportunity to be
a blessing.”
Moreover, the author encourages special needs parents not to
isolate themselves from others. While raising a child with special needs fills
life with challenges, he urges, “We have to be willing to let people into our
lives. They need to know what your reality is like.” Although allowing others
to see what life with a special needs child is really like may be
uncomfortable, he assures the benefits are worth the efforts. Ultimately,
others can gain understanding as well as love and respect for people with
special needs by interacting with families who are raising special needs
children.
Perhaps one of the most powerful chapters of the book,
Chapter 8, “Emotional Land Mines,” candidly describes the difficulties special
needs parents must consciously avoid. Specifically, he warns against envying
other people’s lives and advises special needs parents to stop comparing their
lives to those of others. Additionally, he describes the dangers of fear, self-pity
that can lead to despair, futile attempts to assign blame for the child’s
disability, and the sense of being cheated. Instead, he suggests, “…the power
over every circumstance depends upon my choice of perspective.” Similarly, he
addresses the bitterness and grief associated with missed milestones,
beautifully noting the importance of a positive perspective: “Joy can be found
in the simple successes, and contentment in the seemingly insignificant
moments.” Furthermore, in dealing with the death of dreams that parents of
special needs children face, he admonishes abandoning our expectations because
“God has plans and dreams for our children, too.”
Yet another key point Jeff Davidson raises is the importance
of teaching our special needs children how to overcome fear. He stresses that
parents must reassure their children that they can confidently trust God as a
source of wisdom, protection, and provision. As an additional reassurance to
parents, he reminds us, “God will always be there for your children, even if
you can’t be.”
Sadly, Jeff Davidson passed away unexpectedly and went to be
with the Lord in May 2017. In the preface of Common Man, Extraordinary Call, his
wife, Becky, explains Jeff’s desire to help special needs families, especially
fathers of children with special needs. Moreover, she notes that writing and
publishing this book fulfills his dream “to speak directly to the men he knew
were so in need of hope.” Indeed, Jeff Davidson’s words of faith and love will
continue to inspire others while sharing the hope he had found in the Lord.
“The master said, ‘Well
done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this
small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s
celebrate together.’” Matthew 25:23
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