Inquiry

As a middle school teacher, I often sit in on annual case review conferences for special education students. The law requires that regular education teachers like me be present for these conferences to make sure that students are placed in the least-restrictive environment for their educational needs. The guidance counselors and special education teachers know that I don’t mind being part of these meetings because I sympathize with the parents, having been part of case reviews as a parent when Alex was younger and receiving special education services. Recently, I met with the parents of a special needs child and had a very nice conversation with them, discussing some of the things Ed and I had gone through when Alex was middle-school aged. Also present for this conference were my good friend the guidance counselor and a representative of our county’s special education cooperative whom I did not know prior to this meeting. After the parents and I discussed various issues, this special education representative wanted to know if I would answer some of her questions. Generally, I am fairly open about our experiences, but what I thought would be just a few inquiries about Alex became what felt like an interrogation and made me somewhat uncomfortable.

While I answered her questions directly and elaborated when she wanted more details, I later analyzed some of the things she had asked me and wished I had told her that they were really none of her business. For example, she wanted to know how we had discussed sexuality with Alex. Who asks any parent that? I was particularly uncomfortable with the parents—whom I had also just met that day— sitting there because they seemed uneasy with the topic, too. I told her that we had not gone into a lot of detail with Alex because we were concerned that he might obsess over the ideas, as teenage boys often do. Additionally, I explained that we had taught him basic socially-appropriate behavior about modesty and keeping his hands where they belong so that he doesn’t make others uncomfortable. Furthermore, I went on to explain that Alex learns best by reading, and he has read a few books about puberty and development on his own and seemed satisfied with what he’d learned from them. [An especially good book about the topic I highly recommend is Mary Wrobel’s Taking Care of Myself: A Hygiene, Puberty, and Personal Curriculum for Young People with Autism. Alex found this book at our public library, and I was so impressed with it that I ordered him a copy online from Barnes and Noble.] Anyway, she probably thought I was old-fashioned to hand my kid a book instead of sitting down with him and discussing “the birds and the bees,” but we know what’s best for Alex. Another topic she seemed to want me to explain was why we decided to home school Alex. For some reason, some people find home schooling strange, but we know that choice was best for Alex, who needs one-on-one instruction. Since that explanation didn’t satisfy her, I went on to detail how he had been restrained in a seatbelt chair and made to hold a sign that he could read that said, “IGNORE ME!” in special education preschool, which we felt was not appropriate. Of course, she posed the typical argument against homeschooling—socialization. (I wonder if people think we lock home schooled children in closets.) After explaining that we took Alex to library programs, concerts, sporting events, and other activities, not to mention all the various therapies, I went on to tell her that as a middle school teacher, I know that kids like Alex are easy targets for bullies, and I was not about to subject him to that humiliation and upset. My friend the guidance counselor nodded her head in agreement, as did the parents, which seemed to close that particular topic.

Next, she wanted to know about Alex’s future plans. Had I known that he’d been contacting companies about his latest invention, I could have told her that. Instead, I decided to answer honestly and tell her that I don’t know what the future holds for Alex. Since Alex turned eighteen last year, I’ve gotten more questions about what he’s going to do in life, and I just can’t answer that right now. Although he’s legally an adult, he’s still immature in many ways. While he’s made quite a bit of progress in the past year or so, he’s still not ready for higher education, nor is he ready to hold down a job. However, we have hopes that he will eventually find something fulfilling to do. In the meantime, we continue educating him ourselves and giving him opportunities to develop his potential. Of course, we know that God has a plan for Alex’s future, and we stand on that promise. Finally, with the inquiry nearly over, the woman asked if I would have done anything differently. Now this was a question I could answer confidently. Looking back over Alex’s childhood and the various things we have done, we have no regrets. Certainly, we made mistakes at times—most often out of love for him—but we did the best we could with the knowledge that we had. Most of all, we sought God’s guidance and prayed earnestly. In the end, that’s all that really matters, and the progress Alex has made has been a testimony to God’s faithfulness in our lives.

“So they said to him, ‘Please inquire of God, that we may know whether the journey on which we go will be prosperous.’” Judges 18:5

Home Schooling

We didn’t originally plan to home school Alex, but choosing to teach him ourselves has been one of the best decisions we have made. Having work schedules that accommodate our need to be home with him has been a blessing. Ed teaches college English classes in the afternoon and evening, and I teach three middle school English classes in the morning. This allows Ed to be home with him in the mornings, and I have my afternoons free to spend with Alex. One or both of us is always available to him. As teachers who have varied interests outside of our teaching field, we felt comfortable in the role of home school parents. In addition, circumstances pushed us into this position, making us see that we needed to supervise Alex’s education ourselves.

When we had Alex evaluated for autism, we had this done through our county school system’s special education department. After they determined that he had autism, they offered him special education preschool classes. At that time, we felt this was a good setting for Alex, and he really enjoyed going to preschool the first several months. Later, some classroom practices came to light that we felt were wrong. For example, his teacher decided to punish Alex if he did not use the toilet during the scheduled times. She would deny him playground or gym time with his classmates, and/or she would not allow him to have snacks during snack time. Apparently, she felt these were strong motivators for him, but we sent him to preschool to learn social skills, and singling him out for this punishment inhibited his ability to interact with his peers. Another time, she told me that she had sent him to the hall for making silly noises, which I felt was an appropriate consequence for his actions. However, she also informed me that she made him hold a sign that said, “IGNORE ME!” Since Alex could read the sign, this struck me as demeaning, akin to a dunce hat students of old wore. After that, I decided to observe his class and discovered that she was restraining him in a seat belt chair (which is intended to be used only for children who physically cannot support their bodies) during the entire class, again creating a form of isolation from his classmates. Since Alex was not a threat to himself or anyone else, I questioned the need for restraint. She told me that it kept him from wandering around the classroom. Knowing that Alex was very compliant, I suggested that rather than putting him in the seat belt chair, she could tell him to sit down and teach him discipline that way. While she agreed that he would be cooperative, she told me, “It’s just easier to use the seat belt chair.” That was the final straw. We sensed that teaching Alex was not the priority, controlling him—a very docile and obedient child—was her emphasis instead. Knowing that we needed to advocate for our child, we immediately pulled him out of school and began home schooling him.

In Indiana, home schooling requirements are rather straightforward. After registering with the Indiana State Department of Education as a private school, home school parents must agree to teach their children 180 days per year, keep a calendar record of the days of instruction, and teach a curriculum comparable to that which students receive in the public schools. Finding curricular materials has never been a problem, as we have easily found books from Barnes and Noble, Christian Books, and the library. Being able to teach Alex one-on-one has enabled us to use his strengths to address his weak areas, and he is an ideal student, eager to learn. Through this process, he has mastered one of the most important lessons: how to find information he wants to know. He is a whiz at researching topics of interest online and in books, a good skill to use throughout life. What pleases us most, however, about our decision to home school Alex is that not only has he thrived in this setting, but he has never lost his self-confidence or his love of learning, unlike many students. His desire to learn will help him reach his full potential. As writer Robert Louis Stevenson once noted, “To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.” For Alex, home schooling has been a strong means toward that end.

“Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be joyful.” Proverbs 16:20