A Filled and Fulfilling Week

 

Last week was a busy one filled with appointments for Alex, yet thankfully everything went quite well. On Monday, his behavioral therapist had switched his usual Tuesday appointment because she was going out of town the next day and wanted to see him before she left. Even though Alex is not fond of having his regular schedule changed, he adapted nicely and had a good session with her. In addition, she and I discussed his behavior plan in depth, noting the progress he has made in the five years he’s been in behavioral therapy and specifically the four years she has been working with him. As we talked about how the frequency, intensity, and duration of anxiety attacks have decreased over time, both of us were pleased to note how well Alex handles anxiety now, using the coping strategies he has learned in therapy. Not only are we pleased that Alex is less anxious and can deal with upset much better, but we’re also thankful that he has such a devoted and caring behavioral therapist who celebrates his successes along with us.

That same afternoon, Alex had his regular six-month appointment at the dentist to have his teeth cleaned and checked. Unlike many people who dread going to the dentist, Alex actually looks forward to his visits. Fortunately, he had a very good pediatric dentist when he was little who made going to the dentist a good experience, and he continues to have a positive outlook as an adult. A few years ago, we started taking Alex to our family dentist and have been pleased with how well he has adapted. His dental hygienist is especially sweet and patient, and she brings out the best in him by explaining everything she is going to do and praising him for being cooperative. As the dentist checked his teeth, we were pleased that Alex has no cavities and would not need to come back until his next regular check-up in six months. As a nice surprise, the other dentist in the practice who sees Alex more often and who has filled cavities in his teeth made a special point to come say hello to Alex and see how he was doing. Not only are we pleased that Alex likes going to the dentist and received a good report, but we’re also thankful that the warm and friendly staff take such wonderful care of him.

On Wednesday morning, Alex had an appointment to see the nurse practitioner who oversees his anxiety medications. Although we were supposed to see her in June, a schedule mix-up caused him to become anxious, and we had to reschedule. Although I was concerned that Alex may not be happy about getting up early to see her, the appointment was the first one of the morning, which meant we didn’t have to wait. Despite being somewhat sleepy, Alex was good natured, especially when he saw that she had a scale in her office and was happy to be able to weigh himself. Although most people dread weighing themselves at the doctor’s office, for Alex, this is the highlight of the appointment. As we discussed how Alex was doing on the medications, he was patient and calm. Because he is doing well, she plans to take him off one medication completely, and she doesn’t need to see him for another six months. Not only are we pleased that Alex handled this early morning appointment well, but we’re also thankful that he is making such good progress that he doesn’t need as much medication to keep him calm.

On Wednesday afternoon, Alex’s peer companion came to “hang out” (as she calls their sessions) with him for the last time this summer before she returns to her full-time job as a special education aide. Even though he was disappointed that he won’t see her for a while, they enjoyed their afternoon together watching a movie. As we discussed possible plans for her to spend some weekend evenings with Alex in the future, he seemed happy that he won’t have to wait until next summer to see her. After he said goodbye to her and headed off to his room, she told me, “I just love your son!” Not only are we pleased that Alex dealt well with knowing he will miss seeing his friend for a while, but we’re also thankful that we found such a kind and caring young lady to spend time with him.

On Thursday, he met with his music therapist for their regular weekly session. Because Alex has been sick with thrush a good part of the summer, he hasn’t always been his best during music sessions. At times he has been fatigued, and other times he hasn’t wanted to sing, probably because his mouth hurt from the thrush. However, this week, he had a terrific session in which he was focused and engaged. At one point his therapist came to ask me if Alex could have a drink; he was delighted that Alex nicely asked him instead of running to ask me. Alex was also enthusiastic about watching music videos on his therapist’s phone prior to singing the songs, and his therapist thinks he’s stumbled on a good way to preview the songs. Since I could actually hear Alex singing in another room, I think he’s right. Not only are we pleased that Alex continues to make progress in music therapy, but we’re also thankful that his music therapist brings out the best in him and celebrates even seemingly small steps forward, knowing that they lead to larger leaps.

While we were a bit concerned how Alex would handle a week packed with appointments, this week turned out much better than we anticipated. He fully cooperated with all the various people who worked with him, and their praise and encouragement made him want to do his best. Consequently, not only are we are thankful to God for the progress Alex continues to make, but also for the outstanding professionals we have been blessed to work with, helping him to be healthy and happy.

“The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.” Psalm 126:3

To Be Happy

 

This week, I felt a bit wistful about starting another school year. Although I really like working with my colleagues and students, I felt sad to see our best summer ever with Alex come to a close. Because he has made so much progress, we were able to enjoy many family activities, such as going to concerts in the park, playing games at our local family arcade, dining out at a variety of restaurants, and relaxing together at home. Knowing this transition of my going back to work would mean a time of adjustments for all of us, we tried to make this past week easier for Alex. By giving him a printed agenda of the various beginning of the year meetings I would be attending, I thought it would help him be less anxious about where I was and when I would be home. As he carried around my schedule all of last week, Alex appeared more relaxed than he usually is at the beginning of the school year, and checking off the activities at the end of each day was helpful for both of us. After a week of unusual busyness, we are looking forward to getting back to the usual routine, even as Ed begins his semester this week.

On Wednesday, the first day of classes, two emails appeared in my home inbox that I found interesting, especially since they seemed to be a sign of the positive attitude I’m trying to maintain, even at the end of a terrific summer. The first, which came from our health insurance’s monthly newsletter, is entitled “Happy people: 8 simple secrets they know.” [To read this article, please click here.] Based upon research, the article offers helpful tips about cultivating happiness. This list includes the following guidelines: connect with family and friends, be grateful for good things, help others, think positively, get exercise, have fun and be creative, get rest, and be optimistic. These suggestions seem to be good goals for me to pursue as I begin the school year in order not to become overwhelmed by thinking of all the things I need to do.

Along with this article, I also found some good ideas in an email from psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen. In his article “The Number One Habit to Develop in Order to Feel More Positive,” he discusses the problem of ANT––Automatic Negative Thoughts. [To read this article, please click here.] Dr. Amen explains that these automatic negative thoughts he sees in his patients “were robbing them of their joy and stealing their happiness.” He adds that these ANTs are responsible for depression, anxiety, and negativity.

In order to recognize these negative thoughts, Dr. Amen describes a few of the common ANTs. For people who have panic disorders, “Fortune Telling” is common; the person predicts bad outcomes, despite any evidence. In “Mind Reading,” the person believes they know what another person is thinking, and this assumption can harm relationships. Those who engage in “Guilt Beatings” focus on “should, must, ought, and have to” as they feel badly about what they are doing or are not doing. In the “Blame” type of thinking, the person becomes a helpless victim who cannot change a situation, blaming others and not taking responsibility. Finally in “Labeling” the person resorts to name calling, which diminishes the ability to analyze the circumstances clearly. After considering Dr. Amen’s negative thought categories, I realize that I find myself in fortune telling, mind reading, and guilt beating mode at times, and I know that I need to quit making assumptions about what will happen and what others think and to stop being so hard on myself.

Dr. Amen, a neuroscientist, explains how positive and negative thoughts have contrasting physical effects on the mind and the body. Negative thoughts cause the brain to release chemicals that make hands clammy, muscles tighten, breathing shallow, and the heart rate increase. In the brain, negative thoughts impair judgment, learning, and memory. By contrast, positive thoughts warm the hands, relax muscles, deepen breathing, and decrease pulse and blood pressure; in addition, the brain works more effectively. Dr. Amen emphasizes the need to recognize and identify negative thought patterns and to take control of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in order to “experience peace of mind and joy.” His assertion that self-awareness can change a person’s outlook on life is compelling. Clearly, focusing on the positive is essential to a happy life.

On Thursday evening, our school held its annual open house where parents are invited to meet the teachers. After I finished meeting with my students’ parents, I had the unexpected pleasure of running into a friend of mine whose child attends the school where I teach. In addition, we are both autism moms to sons who tower over us in height. As we happily compared notes about how well our boys are doing and what great summers they both had, we commented about how much we appreciate chatting with someone who “gets it,” who understands what life with autism is really like.

Instead of complaining about the obstacles autism presents in our daily lives, however, she and I began a dialogue about the positive aspects of our lives. We don’t worry about girls breaking our sons’ hearts right now. Unlike parents of typical young adults, we don’t have to worry about our sons driving because they currently don’t have the ability to do so. While some of our family and friends are dealing with the separation anxiety of having their children go away to college, ours are safely home with us. In fact, they will likely be with us for a while, and we’re fine with that, especially because they have become so pleasant, and we enjoy their company. Moreover, we’re delighted that our sons allow us to kiss and hug them without any fear of embarrassing them. For all the things in life that autism has made difficult, we are well aware of the good things that bless our lives and make us grateful to be their moms.

As I work toward eradicating negative thoughts and focusing on the positive, I have the additional blessing of a wonderful role model. Although Alex and I both deal with anxiety, we have learned coping skills that help us to fight our fears, and our faith is the most powerful tool in our arsenal. The vast majority of the time, Alex takes a positive outlook on life, savoring even the smallest of joys––decreasing gas prices, the sound of a pleasant voice, the taste of a favorite food––and realizes that life is to be enjoyed, not endured. Perhaps God knows that I need Alex’s optimistic outlook on a daily basis, so he’s home with me. While I think I have things to teach Alex before he’s ready for the world; he probably knows that he has much to teach me, as well. Until both of us are ready, we will enjoy our time together and know how blessed we truly are to have each other.

“So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.” Ecclesiastes 3:12