The Joy of Spontaneity

As I have mentioned in previous blog entries, Alex loves clocks and calendars because they help him keep track of time, one of his favorite concepts. In addition, he likes for us to make daily schedules so that he can anticipate what events each day holds for him, especially his favorite activities—eating, going places, and showering. We keep a basic schedule posted on our refrigerator that he consults a few times a day; plus lately he has requested a more specific schedule for each day that I write for him on memo pad paper. These daily lists are never far from his sight as he often carries them around with him or places them next to his alarm clock where he can compare the schedule to the actual time. Somehow knowing what’s ahead for him not only allows him to look forward to favorite activities, but also gives him a sense of calm to reassure him that “there is a time for every activity under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

While this need for routine is common among people with autism, I suspect Alex has also inherited my need for organization. My friends at work have teasingly nicknamed me “Pamodex” because of my organizational skills along with my logical physical and mental filing systems that allow me to find needed information quickly, just as a Rolodex does. [When I consulted the Rolodex website to check the spelling, I ran across a quote that applies to their product and my own life, as well: “Because when you’re organized you can…go live your life.”] Like Alex, I find making lists helps me plan and prepare for upcoming activities, and knowing what I’m doing and where I’m going gives me a sense of peace, too.

Although Alex and I share a need for planning, I’ve found lately that some of our best times are those that occur spontaneously, never appearing on our beloved lists or schedules. Recently, Alex asked to go places, but we really didn’t have anyplace we needed to go, nor had we planned anything. Ed suggested on the spur of the moment that we go to Ogden Gardens, a local park filled with trees and flowers where he often takes beautiful photographs. This particular day had perfect weather—sunny and warm with a nice breeze. As we walked around leisurely, Ed took pictures of the scenery while Alex and I just enjoyed being outside on a beautiful day. At one point, we came across a new addition to the park, a small statue of a turtle, which caught Alex’s attention. For years, one of Alex’s favorite attractions at our county fair was a tortoise that was over one hundred years old. Most children had no interest in the tortoise that barely moved, preferring the more active goats and llamas, but Alex loved that old tortoise. Perhaps seeing the turtle statue in the park reminded him of his old friend because he stooped down to get a closer look and ran his hand across the smooth shell of the turtle statue. Fortunately, Ed was able to capture that earnest action with his camera—an unexpected moment that brought Alex joy.

Last night, I was watching one of my favorite movies, The Secret Life of Bees, when Alex came and sat beside me. Now, Alex rarely enjoys anything that has much of a plot, let alone a “chick flick” like Bees. In fact, I think the only movie he has probably ever watched from start to finish is Shrek. Although I seriously doubt that he had any interest in the movie, he sat with me for nearly two hours, keeping me company. At one point during the movie, he gently patted me on the shoulder and grinned, a sweet gesture that brought tears to my eyes. If I had asked him if he would like to watch the movie with me, he probably would have told me no. That he chose on his own volition to sit with me and share an activity I liked made this spontaneous activity even more special to me. Considering that several months ago, he often acted as though my presence annoyed him, Alex’s willingness to spend time with me, along with his apparent enjoyment of doing something I like more than he does, made this seemingly mundane time one I savored.

This morning, Alex asked me to play gospel music for him. One of his favorite CD’s is Alan Jackson’s Precious Memories, a collection of traditional hymns by Alex’s favorite country singer. The uplifting lyrics of faith and praise, along with the beautiful melodies, make him smile and remind me of my childhood growing up in church singing these hymns. As we listened to the old standards of “In the Garden,” “The Old Rugged Cross,” “What a Friend We Have in Jesus,” and others, Alex and I enjoyed listening to these songs we have heard many times before. Once again, we shared a special time that we hadn’t planned; this time he initiated the activity and allowed me to enjoy it with him.

While the summer was filled with paperwork, appointments, and planning for Alex’s future, the spontaneous joys we have found the past few weeks have reminded me that even though schedules are necessary for the obligations in life, we must be open to the unplanned activities that surprise and delight us. How blessed I am to have a child who teaches me the lessons I need to learn!

“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” Proverbs 19:21

Music

Alex has always loved listening to music, and music has consistently had a soothing effect upon him. When he was very small, he enjoyed watching and listening to the Disney Sing-Along videos. While I suspect that he delighted in seeing the lyrics as they went across the screen, he also found the Disney tunes catchy. As a toddler, he often requested for my mom to sing “This Old Man” to him. That song has special appeal for him because of the sequence of numbers in the lyrics (“This old man, he played five, he played knick-knack on my hive...”). His all-time most beloved song, however, is “Happy Birthday.” Considering he associates that song with cake and presents, it’s not surprising he likes it so much. Actually, he appreciates a variety of types of music with one exception—rap. Clearly, he has discriminating taste, or else he has been influenced by Ed and me, who also don’t care for rap music.

One of Alex’s preferred styles of music is instrumental jazz, which is also one of Ed’s favorites. The lack of lyrics probably allows Alex to concentrate on the music without the distraction of words. The two of them share an appreciation for Miles Davis, John Coltrane and other jazz greats, and they like to listen to Ed’s collection of jazz CD’s together. Last spring, we took him to a jazz concert at Valparaiso University, and Alex was in his element, swaying to the music, clapping, and smiling from ear to ear. Additionally, Alex really likes country music, and he especially enjoys watching country music videos on television with us. His most admired country singers are Kenny Chesney, Alan Jackson, and Gretchen Wilson. If he hears any of their videos come on TV, especially “When the Sun Goes Down,” “It’s Five O’clock Somewhere,” or “Redneck Woman,” he drops what he’s doing to watch the music video.

Another type of music that Alex is especially fond of is gospel, which he likes to listen to with me. He prefers gospel groups who sing four-part harmony, such as Ernie Haase and Signature Sound or the Statler Brothers, and he finds the deep voices of their bass singers especially pleasing. A few months ago, we took him to a gospel concert at the university, and he loved the harmonies. As he did at the jazz concert, he swayed and clapped to the rhythm, smiled, and applauded with appreciation for the music he enjoyed so much. An added bonus for him was the live performance by his all-time favorite American Idol winner, Ruben Studdard. This special experience was one he proclaimed that he liked “one hundred percent” because it was “special.” Alan Jackson’s Precious Memories, a collection of traditional hymns, ranks as Alex’s best-loved CD. We keep this CD in my car and play it every time he rides with me. In addition, I have the songbook that accompanies the CD and play these familiar hymns on the piano. One evening while I was playing, I suddenly heard his soft voice behind me singing, “How great Thou art, how great Thou art…," which brought tears to my eyes because he rarely sings. His favorite song on the CD, though, is “In the Garden, “which was also my grandmother’s favorite hymn. When he jumps in the car, fast forwards to play number six, and the strains of “I come to the garden alone…” come over the speakers, a contented smile spreads across his face. I imagine that his great-grandmother smiles in heaven as she watches her great-grandson very pleased by the song she also loved so well.

“Speak out to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, offering praise with voices and instruments and making melody with all your heart to the Lord.” Ephesians 5: 19