Recently, I ran into an acquaintance, another autism mom I
hadn’t seen for a while. Our sons are about the same age, and she has remarked
that Alex reminds her quite a bit of her own son, whom I’ve never met. When I asked her how her son was doing,
a look of sorrow came over her face as she explained that he is very ill.
Imagining how I would feel if Alex were in the same situation, I expressed my
genuine concern and told her how sorry I was to hear he is so sick. Then, she candidly
admitted, “I don’t know what God is thinking.”
Unsure of the right words to say to her, I could only earnestly respond, “I don’t know, either.” Nothing I could say would minimize her worry or fears, yet I hoped that she found some comfort in being able to say what she was feeling to another mother who could understand all the struggles she has faced throughout her son’s life. Moreover, while she doesn’t understand God’s plan now, she knows He has one. As I have been praying for her and her son to have peace as they wait on the Lord, I have been thinking about how we can comfort those in need, especially since I know others I care about are also currently carrying heavy burdens.
In Chapter 9 of his inspirational book, Aching Joy, pastor and autism dad Jason Hague describes how well-meaning friends sometimes offer platitudes instead of the true comfort we really need. Specifically, he mentions the adage, “God never gives you anything you can’t handle.” He notes, “This phrase is not biblical, despite what people think.” He goes on to explain, “I hate the implication that God serves up such hardships like a waiter…” Although he notes that we have strength and resilience to deal with hardships, we cannot endure them alone. As he explains, “No matter how high the water rises, the God of Moses carries us on his shoulders. In our weakness, he is strong. And since we walk with him, he makes us strong, too.”
Perhaps our own experiences and struggles can allow us to be empathetic and compassionate to those who truly need comfort instead of just spouting glib phrases. If we share those times of darkness and doubt, others can see that God brought us through them, offering hope for the future. In 2 Colossians 1:4, the apostle Paul writes, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
As much as I would like to erase completely from my memory the trying times we faced when Alex’s behavior was fueled by extreme anxiety and spiraling out of control, I hope that sharing our experiences might help others. When we didn’t know what to do to help Alex, God led us to professionals who did know what to do. While helping Alex get better took a long time and a true test of our faith, we can look back and know that God had a plan. However, at the time, I kept trying to direct the situation myself and felt frustrated that God wasn’t answering my prayers on my timeline. When I finally relinquished control to God, putting my complete trust in Him, things started to fall into place. I had to admit that I didn’t understand why we had to go through all these struggles, but I trusted that God’s ways were better than mine. And they were.
Often, I’ve told people who know me well that I think one of the main lessons God wants me to learn in life is patience. Some of them have told me that they think I’m very patient; however, I’m still not naturally patient, in spite of the lessons God has given me. Instead, I think of myself as just tenacious, plugging away at making Alex better while strengthening my faith. As someone who likes to plan and organize every detail, I still have to be reminded that I’m not as in charge as I like to think I am.
Last week, on a smaller scale, God put me in my proper place again. With good intentions and well-thought plans, I was going take Alex completely off one of his medications. Since I already had the approval of his psychiatric nurse practitioner to make this change, and because Alex had responded well to prior dosage reductions of this particular medication, I felt certain this was the right time. Three days into the plan, his nurse practitioner’s office called to tell me that Alex’s thyroid hormone levels tested too high. Consequently, he needed to reduce his thyroid medication dosage by half immediately. Because we never do more than one medication change at a time so that we can easily note any reactions, I knew that we would have to abandon the plans to eliminate the other medication for now.
Even though I was frustrated and disappointed that we couldn’t move forward with getting him off the other medication, I realized that God had a different medication reduction plan than I did. Perhaps now is not the right time to remove that medication, and I need to trust that God, the great healer, knows better than I do. Certainly, any medication reduction is a cause for celebration, and God reminded me that He has a plan that supersedes any of mine. If I had any doubt or lack of faith, I have been comforted that Alex has responded quite well so far to the reduction in thyroid medication. Once again, I have to trust that God’s ways are always better than mine. And they are.
Unsure of the right words to say to her, I could only earnestly respond, “I don’t know, either.” Nothing I could say would minimize her worry or fears, yet I hoped that she found some comfort in being able to say what she was feeling to another mother who could understand all the struggles she has faced throughout her son’s life. Moreover, while she doesn’t understand God’s plan now, she knows He has one. As I have been praying for her and her son to have peace as they wait on the Lord, I have been thinking about how we can comfort those in need, especially since I know others I care about are also currently carrying heavy burdens.
In Chapter 9 of his inspirational book, Aching Joy, pastor and autism dad Jason Hague describes how well-meaning friends sometimes offer platitudes instead of the true comfort we really need. Specifically, he mentions the adage, “God never gives you anything you can’t handle.” He notes, “This phrase is not biblical, despite what people think.” He goes on to explain, “I hate the implication that God serves up such hardships like a waiter…” Although he notes that we have strength and resilience to deal with hardships, we cannot endure them alone. As he explains, “No matter how high the water rises, the God of Moses carries us on his shoulders. In our weakness, he is strong. And since we walk with him, he makes us strong, too.”
Perhaps our own experiences and struggles can allow us to be empathetic and compassionate to those who truly need comfort instead of just spouting glib phrases. If we share those times of darkness and doubt, others can see that God brought us through them, offering hope for the future. In 2 Colossians 1:4, the apostle Paul writes, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
As much as I would like to erase completely from my memory the trying times we faced when Alex’s behavior was fueled by extreme anxiety and spiraling out of control, I hope that sharing our experiences might help others. When we didn’t know what to do to help Alex, God led us to professionals who did know what to do. While helping Alex get better took a long time and a true test of our faith, we can look back and know that God had a plan. However, at the time, I kept trying to direct the situation myself and felt frustrated that God wasn’t answering my prayers on my timeline. When I finally relinquished control to God, putting my complete trust in Him, things started to fall into place. I had to admit that I didn’t understand why we had to go through all these struggles, but I trusted that God’s ways were better than mine. And they were.
Often, I’ve told people who know me well that I think one of the main lessons God wants me to learn in life is patience. Some of them have told me that they think I’m very patient; however, I’m still not naturally patient, in spite of the lessons God has given me. Instead, I think of myself as just tenacious, plugging away at making Alex better while strengthening my faith. As someone who likes to plan and organize every detail, I still have to be reminded that I’m not as in charge as I like to think I am.
Last week, on a smaller scale, God put me in my proper place again. With good intentions and well-thought plans, I was going take Alex completely off one of his medications. Since I already had the approval of his psychiatric nurse practitioner to make this change, and because Alex had responded well to prior dosage reductions of this particular medication, I felt certain this was the right time. Three days into the plan, his nurse practitioner’s office called to tell me that Alex’s thyroid hormone levels tested too high. Consequently, he needed to reduce his thyroid medication dosage by half immediately. Because we never do more than one medication change at a time so that we can easily note any reactions, I knew that we would have to abandon the plans to eliminate the other medication for now.
Even though I was frustrated and disappointed that we couldn’t move forward with getting him off the other medication, I realized that God had a different medication reduction plan than I did. Perhaps now is not the right time to remove that medication, and I need to trust that God, the great healer, knows better than I do. Certainly, any medication reduction is a cause for celebration, and God reminded me that He has a plan that supersedes any of mine. If I had any doubt or lack of faith, I have been comforted that Alex has responded quite well so far to the reduction in thyroid medication. Once again, I have to trust that God’s ways are always better than mine. And they are.
“When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed
hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:19
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