"All Is Calm; All Is Bright"

 

I don’t like change; in fact, most of the time I’m perfectly happy staying in a familiar rut. Sometimes, God has to give me multiple signs in order for me to do something different, to step out of my comfort zone. Recently, a series of small jolts pushed us to make changes in Alex’s best interests, and so far, the results have indicated that doing something new was absolutely the right decision.

About two weeks ago, when I went to pick up Alex’s medications at the pharmacy, one of them mysteriously was not with the others. The pharmacy technician was puzzled as to why it was missing, but assured me she would check on it and felt confident it would arrive that afternoon. Later in the day, I received a call from the pharmacy that the medication still had not arrived, but they would order it again and hoped it would be ready for pick up the following day. Even though I was confused about the delay on the arrival of the medication, I wasn’t that concerned because I still had a week’s worth.

The next afternoon, I had a message on our answering machine from the pharmacy that not only had the medication still not arrived, but it was also on backorder, and they didn’t know when they could get it. Now I was getting nervous. I called the pharmacy to find out more, and the pharmacy technician told me the company that manufactured that particular drug had stopped producing it. A Google search after I got off the phone gave a hint as to why they suddenly stopped manufacturing it; they had to recall several batches of this time-release drug because apparently it was not properly releasing the doses throughout the day.

When I asked the technician if they could get the medication from another company, she told me that it was the only company who made the drug. Knowing that was not correct because in the past Alex had taken the medication made by another manufacturer, I told her there was another company, but she insisted there was not. (Another Google search confirmed that I was correct as I found the name of the other company.) She did tell me another store in a nearby town had some, but we would have to transfer the prescription and go to pick up the pills ourselves. Not happy with the news she had given me, I nonetheless thanked her for the information and hung up the phone to ponder our options.

At this point, I was verging into panic mode. What were we going to do if we couldn’t get this medication for Alex? I decided to go to the pharmacy the next morning and talk to a pharmacist in person and explain my concerns about finding the medication soon. The pharmacist understood my concerns and immediately tried to track down Alex’s prescription. She scoured the warehouse records, tried to order more, and even called a competitor’s pharmacy to see if they had any in stock. In addition, she passed along the information to the pharmacy manager, including the name of the other company that manufactures the drug, which I had given her.

The next day I received notification that Alex’s prescription had been filled, which came as a huge relief. When I went to pick up the pills, there was a note that they had gotten them from the store in the nearby town––saving us a trip there––and that they were still trying to track down this medication from their warehouse. While I was delighted to have enough pills to administer twice a day for a month, we still don’t know if the pharmacy will be able to get more next month. Perhaps this was God’s way of telling me it was time to wean Alex off this medication, as we had done with two others successfully.

Contacting the psychiatric nurse practitioner who prescribes Alex’s medications for anxiety, I sent her an email explaining the shortage of this particular medicine. First, I asked her what medication could substitute for the one he’s been taking, and then I asked if we could try weaning him off the medication by forgoing the nighttime dose, since he’s sleeping and wouldn’t be bothered by possible side effects as much. In her email response, I found out the replacement drug is one I really don’t want Alex to take because it has terrible side effects. However, she did agree that he could try not taking the nighttime dose and see how he does.

After discussing our options with Ed, we agreed that now is the time to try taking Alex off the nighttime dose since he’s doing well managing his anxiety. So, last Monday, for the first time in years, we did not give Alex the nighttime dose of that medication. Although I worried that he might have trouble going to sleep or might wake in the night or could wake up in the morning irritable without that dose, he fell asleep easily, slept peacefully through the night, and awakened in a sweet mood. Moreover, he was sweet natured every day last week, despite having his medication reduced by half. Clearly, taking away the nighttime dose was the right thing to do, and we are thankful that he doesn’t seem to be having any negative side effects from this change.

Early Thursday morning, Alex awakened me around 4:30 A.M., and a sense of dread awakened with me. Was the lack of medication affecting his sleep, and would he be agitated? No, he simply wanted to inform me that the power had gone off briefly in the night, and he calmly told me that his alarm clock wasn’t working. As I stumbled into his darkened room, half asleep and terribly nearsighted, I tried to see what was wrong with his clock, plugging it in different outlets, but having no luck.

Since time is very important to Alex, even in the night, I was concerned that he would be very upset that his clock would not work. No, he sat calmly on his bed, even amused that I was clumsily doing everything I could to make his clock work. Finally, I told him that his clock was broken, but I would go to Target when they opened and buy him a new one. Completely satisfied and not a bit irritated, he smiled, crawled under his covers, and went back to sleep. If I had any lingering doubts about taking away the nighttime dose of medication, they were gone. Alex calmly handled a situation that could have upset him in the night without the medication regulating his mood. There in the dark, sleepy, and half-blind, I saw clearly: God had planned this all along.

Because we were content with how well things were going, we weren’t going to initiate medication changes. However, God knew that Alex no longer needed this medication at night and put us in a situation where we feared that we wouldn’t be able to get more. Despite our fears that the change would be hard on Alex (and by association, us, too), he has dealt with the medication reduction beautifully, even in a situation that could have upset him. Once again, we were reminded that God knows what Alex needs better than we do, and we simply need to trust Him, pray for guidance, and be willing to embrace changes instead of fearing them. Tomorrow, as we celebrate the birth of God’s son, I pray that my faith will be more childlike––like my son’s––as I wait with anticipation, trying to be fearless and accepting changes, knowing that God’s plans for Alex’s life are better than anything I can imagine.

“They were terrified, but the angel reassured them. ‘Don’t be afraid!’ he said. ‘I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior––yes, the Messiah, the Lord––has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David!’” Luke 2:9-12