Waiting Time

 

Around here, we live by the clock, the calendar, and the schedule. For Alex, running on time, knowing what day it is, and being prepared for activities ahead are crucial to his daily existence. If not for the numerous clocks throughout our house and his wristwatch, calendars easily accessible, and his daily schedule posted on the refrigerator, Alex would become extremely anxious waiting for whatever was next. To be honest, he gets that from me, who also thrives on the comfort of clocks, watches, calendars, and schedules.

In fact, we can tell when Alex is more anxious because he will consult his beloved time keepers more often, making certain that everything is running on time and making sure he knows what’s happening next. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go exactly as planned––people may run late, appointments may change, and a power outage might require the resetting of the electric clocks.

Sometimes reality doesn’t jive with our expectations, which can lead to frustration and disappointment. For example, as I changed our calendars from October to November last week, I realized that Alex’s loss of appetite has now lasted six months. When he began eating fewer foods in May and self-limiting his diet that had always been excellent to only a few items, I thought this phase would last only a few days, maybe a few weeks.

By the end of May, Alex still had not returned to his usual varied diet and healthy appetite, so we took him to the doctor, who diagnosed him with thrush. Certainly, the pain thrush can cause in the mouth and throat would explain Alex’s sudden resistance to eating, and we thought that the anti-fungal medication would clear up this yeast overgrowth and make him want to eat again within a few weeks.

However, this bout of thrush has been a doozy, and two more doctor visits and more rounds of anti-fungal medication were warranted. So tenacious is this yeast overgrowth that his doctor has him on maintenance doses of medication twice a week through February. Even though his mouth looks better and the secondary indicators of yeast overgrowth––dandruff and acne––have improved, we still occasionally see some behaviors associated with thrush, namely irritability and increased anxiety. Moreover, Alex still hasn’t returned to his normal eating habits.

Currently, he drinks smoothies made with Rice Dream nondairy ice cream, coconut milk, strawberries, and protein powder for breakfast. For lunch he eats applesauce and raspberry coconut milk yogurt. For dinner he eats applesauce and scrambled eggs with spinach and herb seasoning. For an evening snack he drinks a lemon Italian ice and another strawberry smoothie. While this makes meal planning for him simple since he’s basically eating the same things he’s eaten for months, we would prefer that he return to his previous diet where he ate nearly everything except popcorn. Moreover, one of his favorite things to do was to eat at various restaurants, but his limited diet has kept him from this favorite family pastime.

On Wednesday, realizing that another month has passed without Alex’s appetite improving, I felt frustrated, disappointed, and overwhelmed––three emotions I try to avoid. Why isn’t Alex’s appetite back to normal after all these months? Why won’t this thrush go away for good? Why does everything seem to take so long? What else do I need to do to make him better? As these questions raced through my mind, I could only answer the last one. I remembered the phrase I hear Alex say so often: “Wait and see.”

As Alex’s mom and advocate, I constantly seek ways to make him and his life better. However, sometimes I must remember that despite my need to control and offer helpful advice, God has this all figured out without my well-meaning help. Unlike me, God doesn’t need to read all the latest research in autism; He created the universe. While I’m impatiently waiting, God has already set the appointed time. What God has planned for Alex is greater than anything I could imagine, and healing will allow Him to show His glory. I just need to have the same trust and faith in Him that Alex does.

While six months can seem like a long time when waiting for something to happen or change, in reality, it’s not that long. Perhaps another six months will pass before Alex feels like eating more foods; we’ll have to wait and see. Perhaps tomorrow he’ll wake up and ask for his favorite food, shrimp, and devour it happily after not having eaten it for more than half a year. I don’t know. As we change our clocks back to Standard Time today, I’ll be praying that, like Daylight Savings Time, this time of illness was a summer thing to be put behind us. We will wait and see.

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1