Pet Pat Phrases

 

“You’re old enough to have a driver’s license!” Alex yelled at me last week. As usual, he reversed his pronouns—a common feature in the speech of people with autism––saying “you’re" when he actually meant “I’m.” What was unusual was that he was raising his voice to let me know he was upset; typically Alex is fairly easygoing and speaks softy. Clearly, he knew what he needed to do to get my attention. Because he has always struggled with speech, Alex has certain favorite pat phrases he uses to communicate beyond basic conversation. While these often repeated sayings may not have much meaning on the surface, we have learned that the words carry deeper intent.

For example, we know that Alex is always on the lookout for numerical values to quantify people and objects. When he discovers patterns, he is elated and happily announces his findings to us, such as, “Our phone number is a prime number!” Not content to make this point only once, he often repeats this discovery. In fact, every time we have to give our phone number, he reminds us that it is prime. Moreover, his enthusiasm never wanes, no matter how many times he reminds us of this mathematical fact. Because he is so happy with himself about this remark, we encourage him with praise, noting how clever he is to have figured out the connection.

Even better than getting praise for finding prime numbers is the noting of rare instances. Alex loves anything he perceives to be a rare occurrence, and he enthusiastically announces his discoveries to us. For instance, he gets excited if a house number has five digits and will say, “That’s very rare to have a five-digit address!” If he’s watching television and two consecutive commercials are the same, he’ll tell us with awe, “It’s extremely rare to have two of the same commercial in a row!” I’m not certain that these instances are as “rare” as Alex thinks they are, but his enthusiasm for noticing them and talking about them is contagious, and we can’t help but act equally excited when he tells us. Obviously, he finds great joy in instances he thinks are not ordinary, and he wants to share them with others.

Once or twice a day, he treats us with the following announcement: “It’s rare for a person to have a two-digit weight!” What he’s trying to say in his inimitable way is that most adults weigh at least one hundred pounds. In addition, he knows that it’s not polite to discuss people’s weights, so he’s trying to avoid being rude by being so general. However, we know the real story behind this daily comment. He has seen a commercial with petite NASCAR driver Danica Patrick, whom Alex knows weighs less than one hundred pounds because he did a Google search to find out how much she weighs. I suppose he thinks this is a polite way to discuss her weight, and probably many women would be as happy to weigh two digits as Alex is to talk about it.

In addition to noting what famous people weigh, Alex also pays close attention to their voices. If he hears someone singing with a raspy voice, he often asks, “Is that Bob Dylan?” If he hears a song by Elvis Presley or Johnny Cash, Alex makes the offbeat comment, “Elvis had a deep voice when he died” or “Johnny Cash had a deep voice when he died.” Sometimes to make his point, Alex will share these statements by saying them in a deep voice, which makes them even creepier. His fascination with deep voices also shows when he hears kids on television whom he thinks have deeper voices than they should at their ages, and he will often comment, “It’s rare for kids to have deep voices.”  On the other hand, he also notes voices of older people and remarks if they have “an old man’s voice” or “an old lady’s voice.” Since we have told him not to say those comments in front of older people, he confines his judgments to only those he hears on television. However, he has decided that it must be complimentary if elderly people don’t show their ages in their voices, so Alex enthusiastically comments, “He doesn’t have an old man’s voice. That’s very rare!”

As Alex listens to people’s voices, he often makes comparisons evident in questions he asks. For instance, if I speak in a higher pitch, he thinks I’m my sister and will ask, “Is that Aunt Tammy?” If I speak very sweetly to him, he thinks I’m my mom and will ask, “Is that Nanny?” When I tell him it’s just me, he frankly seems a little disappointed. Because my dad and brother sound quite a bit alike in the way they speak, Alex is often confused about who is who, based on their voices. He often asks, “Is Uncle Freddy Grandpa?” While he knows they are two different people, his question clearly shows that their voices confuse him about who is who. The most amusing comparison he makes is when he sees a local commercial for an attorney whose voice reminds him of my brother-in-law, and he asks, “Is Peter Francis Geraci Uncle John?”

One thing we have learned about the repeated phrases and questions Alex uses is that they often reveal hidden meanings. For example, he frequently asks questions about the weather. Even though he has a strong interest in meteorology, these questions go beyond discussing a favorite topic, we have learned. When Alex asks if it’s windy or rainy, he’s concerned about the noise that the wind or rain will make or perhaps they may develop into a stronger storm, like a tornado. Before he takes a bath, he nearly always asks if there are thunderstorms––even on sunny days––because he knows it’s not safe to bathe during a storm, and he fears that his beloved bath could be delayed by the weather.

As Alex has gotten older and his language his improved somewhat, he has learned that he can convey not only his observations but also his thoughts and feelings. While these phrases may be not as clear as they could be, we can usually figure out his intended meaning. When he asks if he can do something, he usually means that he wants to do that activity. On the other hand, if he adds “or not” to the question, he doesn’t really want to do that activity, but he’s testing to see if we would allow him to do so. We know this because if we ask him if he wants to do that, he usually tells us no.

In his cry of frustration the other day about not being able to drive, we knew what was wrong because we have heard him complain about this before. He wanted to go someplace, and we told him we would take him later. Knowing that most people his age can drive bothers him because he realizes that he lacks the independence he should have. As parents, we understand his upset because we, too, hate that autism has prevented him from doing typical things. We wish we could hand him the car keys, tell him to be careful, and send him out into the world to do what he wants. However, we are grateful that unlike many adults with autism, Alex can speak and share what he’s thinking. As we pray for his continued progress, we hope that someday Alex might be able to say clearly whatever he wants to say and to drive wherever he wants to go.

“Look!” he said. “The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them!” Genesis 11:6