[I wrote this essay about Ed and Alex's relationship last year, and everything still holds true today. Ed's unconditional love for Alex and me has kept our family strong through trials and triumphs through the years. He and I have worked together as a team to make Alex's life better, and his steady calmness keeps me grounded. Patiently listening to my concerns, observations, and research summaries, Ed always supports me and assures me that he completely trusts my judgment. His encouragement in the midst of difficult times keeps me going; he helps me become all the things I am not by nature: brave, patient, and assertive. Of the many blessings in my life, by far one of the greatest is my husband, Alex's father.]
Raising a child is no easy task, and being a parent of a child with special needs adds a whole new set of unimaginable responsibilities. After more than two dozen years of watching Ed rise to the challenges of raising our son with autism, I am amazed by the patience he has developed, the strength and calm he exhibits that make me stronger and calmer, and the unabashed pride he takes in even the seemingly smallest of Alex’s achievements. Through the good and the bad and even the horrible times, Ed’s devotion to Alex and me has remained constant and has even become stronger with time, and for that, I am truly grateful.
I’ve heard it said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Alex witnesses every day how much his dad loves me through his thoughtfulness, respect, and affection. Moreover, Ed also expects Alex to treat me the same way, often reminding him, “Did you tell Mommy thank you? Well, tell her!”
In addition to mentoring Alex in how to treat others, Ed has also held Alex to high expectations. While my natural tendency would be to mollycoddle Alex because autism makes simple tasks difficult for him, Ed knows that he needs to learn how to do things on his own. For example, if Alex needs to wipe his face after eating, I grab a napkin and do it for him. Ed, on the other hand, patiently gives Alex directions, telling him to pick up the napkin and instructing where he needs to wipe his face and praising him for doing a good job. Similarly, he expects Alex to pick up after himself, whereas I would just come along behind him and put his things away for him. However, I won’t always be around to wipe Alex’s face or to pick up his belongings for him, so it’s a good thing Ed teaches him to be more independent.
Some of the most precious moments of my life are when I watch the two of them together without their being aware of my presence. Looking out the kitchen window, I have seen Ed patiently teaching Alex in the backyard how to throw or kick or catch a ball, encouraging him, no matter how many times Alex had to try before he could do it himself. When he finally mastered the skill, his face lit up, and he looked for Ed’s approval; his dad’s face matched his own, beaming with happiness and pride, as did mine watching from the window.
Sometimes I eavesdrop on their conversations and find the give and take amusing. Since speaking is so difficult for Alex, we hang on his every word, even when we have to ask him to repeat or clarify what he has said. I know that Ed savors his conversations with Alex because for many years we weren’t sure if he would ever be able to say more than a few words at a time. As they chat about baseball and jazz and the stock market and other interests they share, they thoroughly enjoy each other's company and appreciate what the other has to say.
Because children never fully appreciate all their parents do for them until they have children of their own, Alex may never realize all of the things his dad does for him. From being Alex’s personal chauffeur to cutting up his food into bite-sized pieces to helping him get dressed and all the other tasks most twenty-four-year-old young men can do without their father’s help, Ed unfailing takes care of Alex and never complains.
By lovingly caring for Alex, Ed not only takes care of Alex’s daily needs, but he has also developed Alex’s faith in God. Knowing that he can always depend upon his earthly father, Alex has no doubt that he can completely trust his heavenly Father. In fact, Alex’s perception of God as being smart and funny probably comes from his attributing these qualities to his dad. However, he rates Ed as being in the high ninety percentages in these two areas, but he gives God 100% rankings in the intelligence and humor categories, noting that only God is perfect. Indeed, Alex is right about God’s wisdom because God knew exactly what kind of father Alex would need to guide him on the less traveled road of autism and gave him Ed. How blessed I am to be the wife and mother to two such extraordinary men!
“The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise.” Proverbs 23:24
Raising a child is no easy task, and being a parent of a child with special needs adds a whole new set of unimaginable responsibilities. After more than two dozen years of watching Ed rise to the challenges of raising our son with autism, I am amazed by the patience he has developed, the strength and calm he exhibits that make me stronger and calmer, and the unabashed pride he takes in even the seemingly smallest of Alex’s achievements. Through the good and the bad and even the horrible times, Ed’s devotion to Alex and me has remained constant and has even become stronger with time, and for that, I am truly grateful.
I’ve heard it said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Alex witnesses every day how much his dad loves me through his thoughtfulness, respect, and affection. Moreover, Ed also expects Alex to treat me the same way, often reminding him, “Did you tell Mommy thank you? Well, tell her!”
In addition to mentoring Alex in how to treat others, Ed has also held Alex to high expectations. While my natural tendency would be to mollycoddle Alex because autism makes simple tasks difficult for him, Ed knows that he needs to learn how to do things on his own. For example, if Alex needs to wipe his face after eating, I grab a napkin and do it for him. Ed, on the other hand, patiently gives Alex directions, telling him to pick up the napkin and instructing where he needs to wipe his face and praising him for doing a good job. Similarly, he expects Alex to pick up after himself, whereas I would just come along behind him and put his things away for him. However, I won’t always be around to wipe Alex’s face or to pick up his belongings for him, so it’s a good thing Ed teaches him to be more independent.
Some of the most precious moments of my life are when I watch the two of them together without their being aware of my presence. Looking out the kitchen window, I have seen Ed patiently teaching Alex in the backyard how to throw or kick or catch a ball, encouraging him, no matter how many times Alex had to try before he could do it himself. When he finally mastered the skill, his face lit up, and he looked for Ed’s approval; his dad’s face matched his own, beaming with happiness and pride, as did mine watching from the window.
Sometimes I eavesdrop on their conversations and find the give and take amusing. Since speaking is so difficult for Alex, we hang on his every word, even when we have to ask him to repeat or clarify what he has said. I know that Ed savors his conversations with Alex because for many years we weren’t sure if he would ever be able to say more than a few words at a time. As they chat about baseball and jazz and the stock market and other interests they share, they thoroughly enjoy each other's company and appreciate what the other has to say.
Because children never fully appreciate all their parents do for them until they have children of their own, Alex may never realize all of the things his dad does for him. From being Alex’s personal chauffeur to cutting up his food into bite-sized pieces to helping him get dressed and all the other tasks most twenty-four-year-old young men can do without their father’s help, Ed unfailing takes care of Alex and never complains.
By lovingly caring for Alex, Ed not only takes care of Alex’s daily needs, but he has also developed Alex’s faith in God. Knowing that he can always depend upon his earthly father, Alex has no doubt that he can completely trust his heavenly Father. In fact, Alex’s perception of God as being smart and funny probably comes from his attributing these qualities to his dad. However, he rates Ed as being in the high ninety percentages in these two areas, but he gives God 100% rankings in the intelligence and humor categories, noting that only God is perfect. Indeed, Alex is right about God’s wisdom because God knew exactly what kind of father Alex would need to guide him on the less traveled road of autism and gave him Ed. How blessed I am to be the wife and mother to two such extraordinary men!
“The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise.” Proverbs 23:24
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