Windows

This summer I have read two memoirs written by mothers of children with autism, which I always find interesting as I compare notes. Both of these books discussed the concept of “windows of opportunity,” the critical stages of brain development, and the race to have their children master skills by certain ages. This windows theory from the 1970’s has haunted parents of children with developmental delays who are frantically trying to help their children reach milestones before those windows close. I’m reminded of the scene from the movie Titanic where the workers in the bowels of the sinking ship must hurry before the doors to the watertight compartments closed tightly, trapping them from ever escaping. Like the workers helping each other as they scramble through the doors that seal their fate, parents push their children toward those developmental windows, not wanting them to be left behind their peers. Of course, this windows theory drives the need for early intervention, making certain that children with developmental delays, such as autism, get the help they need as soon as they are diagnosed.

Despite our best efforts and concerns, Alex wasn’t officially diagnosed with autism until shortly after he turned four years old. At that time, the prevailing thought was that the main window of child development closed at age five, giving us only about a year to push Alex as far as he could go. As if dealing with a child with autism weren’t stressful enough, the thought of having a rather brief time limit to “fix” him only added to the worries. His special education preschool teacher (the same one who made him hold a sign that said, “IGNORE ME!”) apparently bought into this windows theory because she would repeatedly express concerns about Alex’s thumb sucking and trouble with toilet training. Basically, she seemed to believe that if he didn’t master toileting and stop sucking his thumb by his fifth birthday, he would never break his thumb sucking habit, nor would he ever toilet independently. Since I had sucked my thumb until I was nearly six years old, I knew her beliefs were wrong. Nonetheless, my own reading and research about child development indicated that many people believed the windows theory to be true, and I felt pressure to help Alex develop as many skills as possible before that dreaded window was supposed to close at age five.

As a middle school teacher, I was taught in education classes that students cannot learn much during adolescence because hormonal changes affect their brains and distract them from learning new skills. Like the windows concept, this adolescent learning plateau hypothesis may be true in theory, but I have found both ideas to be false in practice. I know that my seventh graders learn new skills in the year that they spend with me, and I have the data to prove it. Similarly, children continue learning after that alleged window closes at age five; I have observed that Alex has gained a great deal of knowledge and skills after he turned five. Despite his preschool teacher’s dire predictions, he did stop sucking his thumb and started using the toilet on his own—in his own good time, when he was ready to master these tasks. Ironically, once Alex turned five and we got past that dreaded window that nagged me, even if I didn’t totally buy into the theory, I felt a rush of fresh air come into our lives. No longer racing against an arbitrary clock, we continued working with Alex and celebrated each milestone, knowing that learning is not something to be rushed, but rather to be enjoyed as a lifelong pursuit with each person mastering skills on his or her own timetable. Thankfully, we have found this to be true with Alex, who continues to learn and develop, long after his fifth birthday has past.

“So she helped him climb out through a window, and he fled and escaped.” I Samuel 19:12

Suddenly

Over the past several weeks, the water pressure in our house has gradually declined. This was especially noticeable every night when running the tub for Alex’s bath began to take longer and longer. Since his nightly bath is a routine that Alex eagerly anticipates, having to wait more time than he expected seemed to create some anxiety as he would pace in the bathroom and become agitated that it was taking so long for the water to fill the bathtub. After our local water company assured us that the pressure coming into the house was fine, a call to the plumber offered insight as to the cause of our water problem. He suggested that the filter on our water softener unit was likely clogged with sediment and told us to switch the unit to bypass. If switching the unit to bypass improved the water pressure, we had found the problem, but we’d also probably need to replace the water softener unit. With a simple flip of the bypass switch, our water pressure immediately and significantly improved, just as the plumber had predicted. The rush of water was welcome relief that we didn’t have a more serious problem, such as an undiscovered leak or pipes clogged with residue, and Alex was pleased that his bath water took much less time to be ready.

Some of the progress we’ve seen with Alex has been like that flip of the bypass switch. After dealing with some issue for a while, suddenly a switch figuratively turned on, and we saw immediate progress, much like that rush of water. While some of those sudden improvements were rather significant, others were minor, yet welcome nonetheless. For example, I tried to teach Alex how to use a drinking straw for years. No matter how many times I explained to him that how the straw worked and modeled for him how to use one, he would continually blow air into a straw instead of sucking up the drink in the glass. I had heard that you can teach children how to use a straw by taking them directly from the baby bottle to a straw, but I had missed that window of opportunity. Finally, I decided that using a straw would just be something he couldn’t do, and it really wasn’t important that he master this skill. About that time, I left sitting on the kitchen table a paper cup of cola with a lid and straw that I’d brought home from a fast food restaurant. A few minutes later, when I returned to get the drink, I found Alex sitting there, drinking down my cola happily, using the straw with ease. Suddenly, he had figured out how to do it on his own. Apparently, his desire to polish off my drink motivated him enough to use a straw. A similar sudden change occurred when we were able to solve his sleeping problems by putting him on the supplement melatonin. As I described in an earlier blog entry, “Sleep,” Alex had been a very good sleeper as a baby and toddler, but when he was five, he began having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. After dealing with his wandering around the house, turning on television to entertain himself in the middle of the night, and moving from bed to bed looking for a place to sleep, we began giving him melatonin under his doctor’s supervision. Melatonin is simply a natural hormone that regulates sleep cycles. Unfortunately, some children do not produce enough melatonin in their own systems, causing sleep difficulties. Once they are given these safe supplements, their sleep usually improves dramatically. We found this to be true with Alex. The first night we gave him melatonin about a half hour before bedtime, we watched him get drowsy, and that night was the first night in several weeks that he slept peacefully through the night. Suddenly, a simple solution to the problem meant that all of us could get a good night’s rest. Thankfully, he continues to this day to sleep well with the help of melatonin supplements.

A similar quick fix to a problem came in the form of visual therapy. Alex had some balance issues when he was younger, and we’d notice that he would often tilt his head to look at things. Going up and down stairs was a major issue for him, and we’d often have to carry him on staircases because he was frightened to go up or down. On the recommendation of our family optometrist, we went to another optometrist who specializes in visual training. He put Alex in glasses that had prism lenses and gave him eye exercises to do to train his eyes to track together properly. After wearing the glasses and working on the exercises with their therapists as well as with him ourselves at home for a few months, Alex made rapid improvements. He no longer had difficulty navigating stairs or curbs, and he stopped tilting his head. The eye doctor agreed that Alex had made significant progress in a very short amount of time and told us that he no longer needed to wear the glasses or do the eye exercises. Even without these aids, Alex continued to maintain his balance and have his eyes work together properly, and we were pleased that this brief intervention made such a difference in his motor movements. Another issue that suddenly seemed to resolve itself after many years of trying was toilet training. In my blog entry “Toilet Training,” I described the myriad of methods we unsuccessfully used over several years to help Alex learn to toilet independently. However, within two weeks of starting methyl vitamin B12 injections, Alex finally was able to stay clean and dry around the clock using the toilet without any prompting from us. I truly believe that the B12 healed some damaged nerves and allowed him to experience the feeling of needing to use the bathroom so that he could go when he felt that urge. The mastery of this skill was such a blessing because we had agonized over it for years. Whenever I get discouraged that Alex hasn’t mastered certain skills, I try to reflect on these accomplishments and remember that progress isn’t always gradual. Sometimes God surprises us with sudden improvements that please us and remind us how powerful His healing touch is.

“Suddenly, the glory of the God of Israel appeared from the east. The sound of His coming was like the roar of rushing waters and the whole landscape shone with His glory.” Ezekiel 43:2