What do we do when life doesn’t turn out the way we
expected, planned, or hoped? As Christians, how do we follow the Apostle Paul’s
advice to “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in
prayer” when our prayers seem to go unanswered? Writer, pastor, and autism dad
Jason Hague skillfully addresses these questions in his recently released book,
Aching Joy. [The author and Tyndall House Publishers, Inc. provided me with an advance reader
copy; the book is now available through Amazon and Barnes and Noble.]
After his son Jack was diagnosed with severe autism, Jason Hague thought he had two options: to live with constant sorrow or to lower his expectations of what the future may hold. With neither choice offering a satisfying life, he instead embraces the path of “aching joy,” where “treasures hidden in the darkness” can be found.
For those who are in despair and frustrated with God, the author offers reassurance: it’s okay to be angry with God. Citing Biblical examples of men of faith who felt abandoned by God—David, Job, Jeremiah, and even Jesus—the author advocates being honest with God about our feelings. In fact, he notes, “Honesty with God is the beginning of healing.” Later, he goes on to explain that as children of God, we are allowed to admit hurt, feel fear, confront God, cry, and accept a situation that is less than ideal. However, he also cautions, “But as a child of God and a follower of Jesus, you are forbidden one thing: You are not allowed to give up hope.”
In a conscious effort to seek joy, Jason Hague began focusing upon developing his relationship with his son Jack and trying to understand his behaviors, such as flapping his arms. He tells a humorous anecdote regarding Jack’s “living-room shrine to Bush’s Baked Beans,” a pyramid of various types of cans Jack had carefully constructed and selected as a reward at the grocery store. What made this unusual interest more curious, the author explains, “He never opened any of those cans. He doesn’t even like beans.” Even though his family did not know why Jack thought these cans were so fascinating, they found his interest amusing and tried to figure out their appeal.
Since progress in autism is often slow, waiting for major breakthroughs can prove frustrating and tiring. Instead, the author suggests taking a break from waiting for a miracle and seeking “smaller graces day by day.” He explains, “God works in big ways and small ways. We must learn to see and receive his subtler miracles—his daily blessings—because that is where he does most of his best work.” Moreover, the author notes that seeking these smaller graces offers rewards: “When we actively look for his [God’s] hand in our circumstances, a funny thing happens. We start to see it.”
Along with trying to understand his son’s behaviors, help him learn to communicate, and develop a relationship with him, Jason Hague candidly describes one of the most difficult aspects of parenting a child with autism—dealing with meltdowns. Explaining how something seemingly small would upset his son profoundly, even to the point of Jack punching himself and banging his head against a wall, Jason Hague earnestly shares how helpless he felt during this “sheer, panicked agony.” He notes, “If we knew what was causing the meltdowns, we could have dealt with them. But he couldn’t tell us.”
Not knowing what specifically triggered the meltdowns, Jack’s parents desperately tried to comfort their son, holding his arms for safety while reassuring him of their love and reminding him that he was not alone. From that experience, the author draws the parallel of God as the father who promises in Scriptures to be with us always to give comfort and strength. As Jason Hague wisely notes, “‘I am with you’ means we never have to walk alone. That is reason enough for joy.”
Another aspect of life with autism that can cause grief, the author explains, is the tendency to compare our lives with others. Seeing typical family photos on social media or hearing about other children’s accomplishments can cause us to feel resentment and envy. Instead, the author urges us to celebrate others’ achievements while waiting for our prayers to be answered because they are evidence of “the goodness of God in the land of the living.” Moreover, he emphasizes the value of testimonies: “The stories of hope, big or small, from our neighbors or from our own histories, are evidence of the hand of God. Without them, we might despair.”
Nonetheless, human nature tends to look for fairness in life, and we may lament that it’s not fair for our children to suffer from autism. However, Jason Hague points out that we also need to look for the gifts our children have been given, recognizing that they may have been compensated in special ways. Specifically, he describes his son’s kindness, patience, and willingness to forgive others. Additionally, the author notes, “Despite the paralyzing effects of his condition, he finds more delight in the simple things of this world than anyone I have ever met.” Indeed, Jack’s ability to find joy in small things offers a testimony that out of suffering can come unabashed delight others can share.
In Aching Joy, Jason Hague openly shares his thoughts and feelings about the frustrations and joys in raising a child with autism. After struggling with uncertainty, he offers the wisdom he has gained from his experiences so that others may know that they, too, are not alone as they wait on the Lord. Moreover, this heartfelt memoir and testimony of faith reminds readers to seek God’s comfort: “Courage and healing are in his hands, and he waits for you to call.”
After his son Jack was diagnosed with severe autism, Jason Hague thought he had two options: to live with constant sorrow or to lower his expectations of what the future may hold. With neither choice offering a satisfying life, he instead embraces the path of “aching joy,” where “treasures hidden in the darkness” can be found.
For those who are in despair and frustrated with God, the author offers reassurance: it’s okay to be angry with God. Citing Biblical examples of men of faith who felt abandoned by God—David, Job, Jeremiah, and even Jesus—the author advocates being honest with God about our feelings. In fact, he notes, “Honesty with God is the beginning of healing.” Later, he goes on to explain that as children of God, we are allowed to admit hurt, feel fear, confront God, cry, and accept a situation that is less than ideal. However, he also cautions, “But as a child of God and a follower of Jesus, you are forbidden one thing: You are not allowed to give up hope.”
In a conscious effort to seek joy, Jason Hague began focusing upon developing his relationship with his son Jack and trying to understand his behaviors, such as flapping his arms. He tells a humorous anecdote regarding Jack’s “living-room shrine to Bush’s Baked Beans,” a pyramid of various types of cans Jack had carefully constructed and selected as a reward at the grocery store. What made this unusual interest more curious, the author explains, “He never opened any of those cans. He doesn’t even like beans.” Even though his family did not know why Jack thought these cans were so fascinating, they found his interest amusing and tried to figure out their appeal.
Since progress in autism is often slow, waiting for major breakthroughs can prove frustrating and tiring. Instead, the author suggests taking a break from waiting for a miracle and seeking “smaller graces day by day.” He explains, “God works in big ways and small ways. We must learn to see and receive his subtler miracles—his daily blessings—because that is where he does most of his best work.” Moreover, the author notes that seeking these smaller graces offers rewards: “When we actively look for his [God’s] hand in our circumstances, a funny thing happens. We start to see it.”
Along with trying to understand his son’s behaviors, help him learn to communicate, and develop a relationship with him, Jason Hague candidly describes one of the most difficult aspects of parenting a child with autism—dealing with meltdowns. Explaining how something seemingly small would upset his son profoundly, even to the point of Jack punching himself and banging his head against a wall, Jason Hague earnestly shares how helpless he felt during this “sheer, panicked agony.” He notes, “If we knew what was causing the meltdowns, we could have dealt with them. But he couldn’t tell us.”
Not knowing what specifically triggered the meltdowns, Jack’s parents desperately tried to comfort their son, holding his arms for safety while reassuring him of their love and reminding him that he was not alone. From that experience, the author draws the parallel of God as the father who promises in Scriptures to be with us always to give comfort and strength. As Jason Hague wisely notes, “‘I am with you’ means we never have to walk alone. That is reason enough for joy.”
Another aspect of life with autism that can cause grief, the author explains, is the tendency to compare our lives with others. Seeing typical family photos on social media or hearing about other children’s accomplishments can cause us to feel resentment and envy. Instead, the author urges us to celebrate others’ achievements while waiting for our prayers to be answered because they are evidence of “the goodness of God in the land of the living.” Moreover, he emphasizes the value of testimonies: “The stories of hope, big or small, from our neighbors or from our own histories, are evidence of the hand of God. Without them, we might despair.”
Nonetheless, human nature tends to look for fairness in life, and we may lament that it’s not fair for our children to suffer from autism. However, Jason Hague points out that we also need to look for the gifts our children have been given, recognizing that they may have been compensated in special ways. Specifically, he describes his son’s kindness, patience, and willingness to forgive others. Additionally, the author notes, “Despite the paralyzing effects of his condition, he finds more delight in the simple things of this world than anyone I have ever met.” Indeed, Jack’s ability to find joy in small things offers a testimony that out of suffering can come unabashed delight others can share.
In Aching Joy, Jason Hague openly shares his thoughts and feelings about the frustrations and joys in raising a child with autism. After struggling with uncertainty, he offers the wisdom he has gained from his experiences so that others may know that they, too, are not alone as they wait on the Lord. Moreover, this heartfelt memoir and testimony of faith reminds readers to seek God’s comfort: “Courage and healing are in his hands, and he waits for you to call.”
“The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my
heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of
thanksgiving.” Psalm 28:7
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