Sunday, June 17, 2018

Fatherhood and Faith

“Alex watches for a moment, then turns away, unimpressed by the bird’s apparent weightlessness, as though his three-year-old innocence assures that nothing is inconceivable. Suddenly, I’m stunned by my son’s lack of surprise at anything nature offers, and I realize how much wiser than I he may be…”~“Spring Walk Along the Lake” from Tidal Air by Edward Byrne

Like many people with autism, Alex isn’t keen on affectionate gestures. If asked for a hug, he will lean forward awkwardly and accept an embrace, usually while keeping his own arms at his sides. While he doesn’t give kisses, he will lean his cheek or forehead forward to accept an offered kiss. Hugs and kisses probably cause sensory overload for him, and he doesn’t seem to need physical affection to reassure him that he is loved.

Because he hardly ever initiates physical contact, those times that he does are rare and precious. The other night I had the privilege of watching one of those sweet moments. As we were going upstairs at Ed’s office building, I was walking behind the two of them and saw Alex reach for Ed’s hand. I suspect that he felt a bit unsure climbing those steep steps and needed the steady hand of his dad, trusting that he would guide him. Even though Alex is a twenty-six-year-old young man who stands as tall as his father, when he reaches for Ed’s hand, he reminds me of the little boy who grew up knowing that his dad would always be there for him.

One of the qualities that Alex appreciates most about his dad is that he finds Ed amusing. Every morning, Ed helps Alex brush his teeth and makes a tedious task a fun-filled two minutes. As the sonic toothbrush whirrs in Alex’s mouth, Ed runs an animated monologue about how brushing teeth is like a game show, which keeps Alex entertained and eager to brush his teeth every morning. Unfortunately, for the bedtime tooth-brushing episode, I lack the energy and enthusiasm Ed demonstrates in the morning and simply count down the time left as the electric toothbrush beeps every thirty seconds. Fortunately, Alex doesn’t seem to hold this against me, but I’m sure he prefers brushing his teeth with Ed.

What Alex finds even more entertaining is when Ed loses his cool. Although Ed is usually very easy going and patient, especially with Alex, when he gets annoyed or frustrated, Alex thinks his dad is really funny. I think Alex secretly hopes that a train will be on the railroad tracks to be in our way when we are going places because his dad’s sighing over this inconvenience makes Alex laugh. However, Alex thinks it’s even funnier when his dad gets so frustrated that he curses aloud. While we are fortunate that Alex has not picked up some of the more colorful language we use occasionally, he is eager to report to me specifically which “bad words” Ed has uttered when he was annoyed. Not only does Alex find Ed’s irritation amusing, but he is also gleeful about tattling on him to me.

Over the years, Alex has developed common interests that he enjoys sharing with Ed: music, sports, the stock market, and weather. Every afternoon, Alex asks him why the stock market was up or down that day, and Ed provides the details he needs to understand the current economic status. On days when the stock market has not done well, Ed has taught Alex not to fret, reminding him, “Sometimes it goes up; sometimes it goes down, just like temperatures.”

Every night at 9:00, Alex wants to "do weather with Daddy," asking Ed for the high and low and record temperatures of the day, even though he is quite capable of looking up this data himself. Nonetheless, this is a shared activity Alex looks forward to doing with his dad every evening. On the rare evenings when Ed is not home because of work obligations, Alex will check the high and low temperatures with me, but I can tell he’s not nearly as enthusiastic about doing weather statistics with me as he is with his dad. Similarly, even if Alex has been watching a baseball game with me, he will tell me that he’ll ask his dad the final score of the game the next day if he goes to bed before the game ends. Perhaps he just doesn’t trust my skills with numbers. On the other hand, he may be seeking his dad’s pragmatic attitude if his team loses; Ed reminds Alex, just as he does with the stock market: “Sometimes you win; sometimes you lose.” With his calm reassurance, Ed has taught Alex to deal with downtrends and losses as part of life, and if all else fails, sigh and say something Alex will find amusing.

Throughout his life, Alex has learned that he can always depend on Ed, which is one of the greatest gifts a father can give his child. Because Alex has developed trust in his earthly father, he has developed strong faith in his heavenly father. Knowing that his dad will meet his needs, whether it be providing a helping hand, entertainment, information, or reassurance, Alex believes that God will similarly always take care of him. Since Ed has been a trustworthy father, Alex implicitly trusts in God, knowing that nothing is impossible with God. On this Father’s Day, I am truly grateful that Alex has been blessed with a father who loves him unconditionally, makes his life the best that it can be, and has raised him to be filled with faith, making us proud of the young man he has become.


“The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.” Proverbs 3:11-12

3 comments:

K. C. Wells said...

Beautiful! Happy Father’s Day to Ed!

marjorie said...

Belated happy father's day wishes to Ed!

Pam Byrne said...

Thanks, K.C. and Marjorie, for your kind wishes! Hope you are doing well.

Love,
Pam