Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Kindness of Strangers

“Good Ways to Get People’s Attention” is one of the social stories Alex’s behavioral therapist has used to improve his social skills. Because words don’t come easily to Alex, he may resort to inappropriate behaviors, such as suddenly grabbing someone’s arm to get that person's attention. Instead, we needed to teach him socially appropriate ways to interact, especially since his stature at six feet tall could make him appear threatening to those who don’t know him. Not only does he read the story aloud repeatedly, but Alex also practices the skills detailed in the story so that he knows how to act when he is around other people. Specifically, the social story tells him that he can wave, raise his hand, shake hands, give a high five, or say, “Hi” or “Excuse me.” After repeating this exercise many times, Alex has made great progress, as we have seen him do what he has been taught, tapping my shoulder when we are in the car, raising his hand during a meeting with his team of support staff, and offering a high five to his therapists when they come to see him.

Last evening, as we were shopping at the grocery store for Thanksgiving dinner items, Alex put these skills to good use and was rewarded for his efforts. After collecting our list of groceries, we headed for the self-check line and were greeted warmly by the store clerk who was supervising the self-check registers. Apparently, Alex was impressed with her friendliness because he suddenly left our cart of groceries that he had pushed through the store, walked over to her, smiled, and tapped her gently on the shoulder, just as he had been taught in the social story he knows by heart. However, he didn’t know what to say to her once he had her attention, so he just smiled.

Even though he had done nothing wrong, Ed and I immediately sprang into action, not knowing how she might react to his gesture and not wanting him to bother her. Ed apologized and led Alex back to the grocery cart, and I noticed that the clerk had followed them. I asked Alex, “Did you want to shake her hand?” He lifted his left hand (as he always does, offering the wrong hand for a handshake), but she took his right hand in hers, giving him a nice handshake, which made him smile and seemed to please her.

Then Ed, still trying to smooth over a situation that could have been awkward, told Alex that the next time, he could just say hello instead. The kind woman then put her arm around Alex’s shoulder and said sweetly to him as though they were old friends, “That’s okay, anytime you see me, you can tap my arm. You are so precious.” What could have been an uncomfortable incident became a pleasant one because she reacted very kindly, understanding that Alex intended no harm; he just wanted to interact with her.

Before we left, I thanked her for being so kind to Alex, but she assured us that it was her pleasure, wished us a Happy Thanksgiving, and made a special point to say goodbye to Alex, who was still smiling. As we took the groceries to the car, I felt teary that a stranger could be so kind to my son and make him so happy. Although I suspect she recognized that Alex has autism, she responded with warmth and kindness instead of discomfort and avoidance. I hope that she was as blessed by this brief encounter as we were.

As we celebrate Thanksgiving this week, I’m thankful for the many blessings in our life:  our faith, family, and friends that sustain and bless us, the healing we have seen in Alex, and for the kindness of strangers who take the time to interact with Alex. To the pretty lady at the grocery store with the warm smile and kind heart, thank you for making Alex’s day. You should know that Alex has an innate sense for people who are especially nice, and he is drawn to them. You must be one of those people because he felt the need to reach out to you and get your attention. By responding to him with genuine affection, you have gained a new friend. That night after you called him “Precious” and told him that he could tap you on the shoulder whenever he saw you, he asked what your name was. Overwhelmed by my fear of your reaction to him as well as by your sweetness to him, I didn’t think to ask your name. However, we hope to see you again, and you should know that a young man with autism now includes you in his prayers as his “new friend” whom he wants God to bless. Indeed, I pray that you will be blessed for the kindness you have shown. While you dismissed it as “no problem,” to us it meant a great deal, and we are thankful.

“…And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.” Romans 12:8


Lynn Mayden said...

I look forward to your thoughts every Sunday. You have such good advice. Trying hard to not feel overwhelmed with 2 high functioning aspie kids here.

Dawn Marcotte said...

What a wonderful experience - I admit that this post made me cry - it is so precious when people who have no idea who we are our what our kids struggle with go out of their way to be kind. God Bless.

Pam Byrne said...

Dear Lynn and Dawn,
Thank you for your kind comments; I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. We autism moms keep fighting the good fight, and I know we'll be rewarded for our efforts. :)


that was nice I have autism an my friends have seen others not allways been nice give me dirty looks I no this jerk was laughing at me becuse I was having a Sencorey moment an starting to wig out becuse he was vacuuming they got him to stop .people can be nice but a lot of time can be just so ingorent like they think we don't hear what they are saying ..just becuse we appare one way so I'm glad she was so cool with him .most are nice to me as I go to the same places to shop they all no me

K. C. Wells said...

This brought happy tears to my eyes! There are so many good people in the world!